The Struggles Of Strong Women In Relationships

There is a quiet storm brewing that no one really directly talks about (positively that is)…the struggles of being a strong woman in relationships. The Lioness, Harmony, and myself all have these struggles in common but deal with them quite differently. Lioness is this powerful and intelligent beauty who isolates herself from love. Harmony is powerhouse of beauty and strength. She can embrace love but still won’t succumb to it. I am somewhere in between the two. Some days I silence my strength….not for the sake of compromise…but from pure exhaustion. You see men are taught to focus on themselves at all times and are celebrated for it…but as openly strong and independent women…we defy societal norms by being comfortable with our strengths. What makes a strong woman? So many things. Strength in each woman varies but the Alpha female flexes that strength…not out of bragging rights but out of survival! ?? Many of us learned to be strong in areas our mothers were weak. Some of us were exposed to violent upbringings and vowed to never let that be us. WE SHALL NOT DEPEND ON A MAN FOR SHIT…even if he fathers our children. We trust no one but ourselves…though Harmony and I are Daddy’s girls so we make exceptions for Daddy. However, I know first hand where Daddy fell short in his personal life and have taken notes. I trust Papa Michael’s to have my back because as Daddy he has excelled (to me). But do I want to be married to a man like my father? NO! Papa Michael’s has some wonderful parenting traits (though he is not perfect) but as a spouse…well he probably should have skipped that role. But back to the struggles of the Alpha female in relationships. Out of survival, we take notes, try not to fall hopelessly in love and lose ourselves, and battle the feelings of submission that come so naturally to most women. We are afraid of giving up our independence to a man that we are essentially expecting to fail us. Ouch. This feeling isolated Lioness. If she doesn’t let someone in then she can never get hurt again. This feeling crowds Harmony. She can be in a crowd of men and still be an army of ONE. This feeling drains me. Half of the time I am trying to make the Ex Factor feel needed while loving myself more and making sure no matter what…that I am still my first priority. No matter what category you may fall in (even if it is one that’s different than Harmony, Lioness, and myself), being a strong woman who must openly be strong for everyone around them is frustrating! Society is trying to tell us that we are behaving too much like men but we aren’t! We are women and this is our true nature. A rare breed indeed but this is who we are. The Alpha female wants to emasculate no man. We just don’t want to lose our identities, our last names, nor our souls in the spirit of keeping a man! ?? But best believe we are women and so the turmoil continues. How do we find a balance? Hiding our strengths is not an option! But isolating ourselves, whether it is in body or spirit, is a disservice to love, to the world, and ourselves. We have so much to offer! Strong women just make sure that they offer themselves the biggest piece of what they have for they know that they are no good to anyone if their resources are depleted. Yet the world judges us and accuses of us of destroying the family. We deny such claims…especially strong black women! We keep the community, the businesses, and the families going even in the absence of husbands and fathers. We singlehandedly do that by the grace of God and we will never apologize for it! ?? Perhaps society is wrong and the issue is not with us? Perhaps stronger men need to be raised? Ones that don’t abandon love and/or their families. Men strong enough to provide yet lend a caring hand. Men strong enough to feel love without fear. Perhaps… Yet we strong women are left with the baggage of feeling ashamed for having the strength to be there for ourselves and others. Strength means different things to different women but all strong women deserve to be loved for exactly who they are without dimming their lights. ?~KJM on Throwback Thursday. Shout out to Lioness and Harmony. I would feel all alone in these struggles if you ladies didn’t openly discuss your own withme. ?