Last night I was running 30 minutes behind but manage to catch 1.5 hours of the Being Mary Jane premiere. It was BRILLIANT on so many levels! Had me hash tagging #iammaryjane throughout the night!!! The scene that touched me the most, though, was when Mary Jane’s little brother, PJ, explained what a silver spoon brotha was! First, I want to shout out my baby brother, Junior! He has been my PJ and my voice of truth about relationships for years! He has also been my biggest supporter when it comes to my quest for true love. I’m forever blessed and humbled to be your big sister! Now back to PJ! I’m paraphrasing (definitely will go back and rewatch) but according to PJ the “silver spoon brotha” is an educated black man, not in jail, and thinks that every black woman should be lucky to know him. This type of man has had everything handed to him. A silver spoon brotha will never show up for you! “Mary Jane, you fell in love with a busta! A bitch man though I’m not trying to call his mama a bitch. Why do you let him ruin you? Why do black women let silver spoon brothas ruin them? A man has to work for it….earn you. A silver spoon brotha is not trained that way. He is not built to handle difficult black women. Mary Jane, you are difficult!” ~PJ from Being Mary Jane. My mouth fell open when I watched this scene. My most recent ex factor was a “silver spoon brotha.” Let me start off by saying that I was born with a brown spoon in my mouth. By the grace of God my family and I rose out of poverty and hardship. I grew up around severe domestic violence and rape. I’m an immigrant who came to this country documented off of the blood sweat and tears of undocumented immigrants. My life was not set for success. The Michaels family went against all odds and fought for everything we have in this country. This is how my spoon became silver but let’s be clear…I was NOT born that way. My recent ex factor, minus some severe health issues in high school, has always had things handed to him. I doubt he even knows what it’s like to go to bed hungry?! Even with the huge differences, I never judged him for growing up with Santa Claus while Santa never really existed for me. I always knew Santa was my dad. So the thing I learned to believe in as soon as I could talk was GOD. Many times I wanted a serious relationship while my ex factor focused on keeping things light but never letting me go. I always had to leave him. Men like Mary Jane’s David and my ex factor have no clue what real struggle is. It’s no wonder that when things get rough they easily check out and make us….the difficult black women….the soul culprit. PJ’s question still lingered on…why do we black women let these silver spoon black men ruin us instead of praying for a man who can WORK for us? Mary Jane says it’s because it’s too hard to start over! There’s some truth to that. I’ve just started over and it’s been filled with so many challenges. Things my ex factor learned about me over the 5 years and 3 months…the new boo is just starting to learn. Things I didn’t demand in my last situationship, I am demanding now in a no nonsense way. New boo knows struggle as well and is an immigrant like me. He works at least 80 hour weeks at his two jobs, one being his own business, while my ex factor could barely work 40 without complaining. New boo and I have struggle in common and neither of us plan on being broke in this country. He is all about uplifting the West Indian community and I respect that! I never respected the ex factor which means during the time I was with him…..I was not respecting myself! While there’s a 12yr difference between new boo and the ex factor, the two men are vastly different. The brown spoon knows that nothing in this world will come easily while the silver expects everything to sit and wait on him! And when I tell new boo that I will castrate his ass…he’s strong enough to take me seriously. I can’t speak for all black women…just myself. I let the silver spoon black man almost ruin me because I thought he was the only person I could love. I knew I could do better (I had dated better in my past) but the threat of never falling in love again kept me enslaved. I also thought that my struggle and hustle would inspire the silver spoon man to “show up for me.” He never did. I suspect my struggle and hustle left a lot of resentment on his part because the difficult black woman in every sense of the word is extremely stronger than the silver spoon brotha. If only she would stay in prayer and wait on a man strong enough to receive her? Deep… ~KJM on Being Mary Jane
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