When I tell you that my body is beyond exhausted….I am not exaggerating! I came back from my West Coast vacation and went straight back to working 12 hour days back to back without a day off. I have to do 9 straight 12 hour days before I’m off. ? Today is day 8 and I’m so close to losing it! It takes everything in me (morning person me) not to smack the taste out of several people’s mouths during my daily commute! That’s how agitated I am. Plus I’m like shaking on my way home at night because…the 12 hours does not include my commute to and from work! Yes! I am about to break! ? As I attempt to hold on to what little is left of my sanity…an old yet brand new theme has appeared in my life…THE SACRIFICIAL LAMB! Women are raised to be nurturers from birth! Society teaches us to give more than we receive and we of course…happily deplete ourselves for our loved ones and sometimes for complete strangers! ? As daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, wives, and girlfriends we are always TEAM TOO MUCH! I thought being an Alpha Female automatically exempts me from being a nurturing female but this is simply not true. It’s in our damn DNA! It has been two months (by choice), since I’ve last seen the Ex Factor. I have been beefing with him while focusing on myself. Sounds contradictory but trust me…I managed both. Now that we are exhausted from fighting and I have decided to take charge of my own happiness, we are trying to find time to spend together. The Ex Factor, like with most men, naturally puts himself first…as he should because we are not married and do not have a family. But even husbands tend to put themselves first because that’s how they were raised! Men were not raised to sacrifice it all for love and family…society says that is a woman’s job! Men can have it all! No one ever questions that. While we women are depleting our resources with no opportunity to replenish! Now here’s where shit gets interesting! Some of the time the sacrifices are being demanded on us BUT most of the time, we happily take a bullet for everyone…knowing we gonna die and yet we just keep smiling through the pain! We are sacrificial lambs by gender! So much so that we almost never question it until one of us has a nervous breakdown! We got to be super girlfriends, wives, and mothers! Even when we see that we are falling apart…we just keep on sacrificing! ? Now back to my example for today. As the Ex Factor and I negotiate when is the best time to see each other, I could not help but notice that we always (as of the last year) spend time together when it’s inconvenient for me and convenient for him! No wonder my ass is angry all the damn time! When I confront him, he always says I should have spoken up and said it wasn’t a good time! And he’s fucking right! Why didn’t I say something? He’s not sacrificing a minute of sleep, time with his family, time with his friends, nor work for me! He’s out there living his life like it’s golden while I’m out there looking like a chubby raccoon with dark circles around my eyes! Wtf! But once again, he did not ask me to sacrifice my sleep and my sanity…I OFFERED IT! Just gave over pieces of myself knowing it’s too much for me and then grumbling under my breath as I write an angry blog! ? Why are we women doing this to ourselves whether we are single or married?! We can save ourselves and be good to others (within reason) but we often choose not to. We happily offer way more than our hearts, minds, and bodies can give. We feel guilty about saying no and setting boundaries…even at work! Ladies, who is going to save our asses if we don’t save ourselves?! Don’t expect a man to…even if he is your husband! He is preconditioned to look out for himself first! No matter how caring and considerate a man is…it will never out do the love and kindness of a woman! ?? We are mothers of this earth…nurturers… and warriors! That in itself is a lot! We really need to chill out and stop trying to save everyone but ourselves. Sometimes you will have to say no to your family, your man, and even your kids…and you know what? That’s okay! We must take time to replenish! With that being said, I let the Ex Factor know that hanging out during the week and on weekends I have to work is a NO for me! This raccoon is tired! ? We will have to choose a time that is best for us both. And he agreed! He said rest and work come first! As they should because once again…we are not married! But I will say this to all the wives, don’t forget to take care of yourselves too! No man wants to stay with a bitter, exhausted, run down woman! Matter of fact some husbands leave and find that well rested and self love chick that puts herself first! It ain’t right…but so is being a living doormat! Set boundaries and stick to them! Have self love days built into the month and demand that the man in your lives help out more! No matter what society has taught us…nurturers and warriors are not by definition….sacrificial lambs! There are moments of sacrifices for the greater good but not every moment has to be those moments…especially when no one asked us to! ?? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday!
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