There is so much going on in my life right now. While I have slowed down on blogging…please know that when I do blog, I will give you my all. ? Today I am going to touch upon a topic that is going to make some of y’all uncomfortable….THE REBOUND WIFE! ?? Yes there is such a thing! I know a couple of them and have male friends (now divorced) that admitted to marrying their rebound. Society is always telling women how to keep a man but rarely tells these tired ass men how to keep a woman! ?? Women are suppose to practice self love and have self worth but God forbid her relationship does not work out…we burn her at the stake! ? We are always telling women to be more godly, more sexy, skinnier, great cooks, and get therapy for their failed relationships! Who the fuck is guiding these lost men?! Our men, of all races, but especially black men need healing! Their asses are in dire need of spiritual healing, therapy, and self love classes! ?? But instead of encouraging men to be better men…it’s so much easier to lay his faults at his woman’s foot. ? There is so much I can say here but today’s blog focuses on debunking one myth: that just because a man married the next woman does not mean that the woman before his wife…wasn’t a great woman! Perhaps this man could not appreciate the woman that was down with him during his struggles? Perhaps he did not love himself and therefore could not love her? Perhaps he is hurting from childhood wounds that have yet to be addressed so he is in fact the damaged goods? Perhaps the only crime the long term girlfriend, whom he did not marry, committed was loving this broken man unconditionally?! Before I dive into the concept of the Rebound Wife, let me clarify one thing: I have been the woman in a long term dead end pseudo relationship (the Ex Factor) and I have been the rebound woman who he suddenly saw the light for and wanted to marry (several times but especially with Dallas). I have been on both sides of the coin for years. Neither side is pretty and women get blamed no matter what for anything that goes wrong. I am a worthless woman if he won’t marry me and I am a worthless and ungrateful woman if I don’t accept his marriage proposal because he has seen the light and I better forget that I am the rebound woman and grab him while he is in the presence of such light! ? What the fuck? Society has lost their minds! A woman just cannot win. She will always be judged! So since I’m always going to be judged let me drop this little gem on you…6 Things You Need To Know About The Rebound Wife: 6. THERE IS NO TIMELINE THAT EXCUSES A WOMAN FROM BEING THE REBOUND WIFE! Now don’t shoot the messenger! Rebound simply means you are being used to replace the love that did not work out. A man can have this hurt in his heart for years and then get married to a woman he does not truly love nor want and she would still be considered the Rebound Wife! ?? 5. SHE IS OFTEN BIRTHED OUT OF STUPIDITY, INSECURITY, OR REVENGE! When you see that a man has moved on from a long term relationship and is in a new relationship (usually right away) and suddenly ready for a life long commitment with the new woman…beware! She’s not necessarily “The One.” I mean she could be but more often than not…that man has not given himself time to heal from his past hurts. He’s just jumping from one relationship to another and is being rewarded for it! ? All of a sudden he’s ready to be a husband after knowing this new woman for like a day but left Shenequa of 12 years of dating. Holly done shone him the light! ?? Get the fuck out of here! This man is out for blood! And he’s going to take only one woman down with him…The Rebound Wife! That man thinks marrying Holly will make Shenequa burn in hell and it may feel that way to Shenequa at first but she is the winner for Holly does not know the devil she lays with at night. This brings me to number four. 4. A REBOUND WIFE DOES NOT TRULY KNOW HER NEW HUSBAND! A knight in shining armor is what he appears to be until the new wife figures out she married the devil! Within 6 months to a year of his last break up…what can a woman possibly know about her new man? Shenequa knew his demons. Holly has no clue. This doesn’t mean that some rebound wives’ marriages can’t survive but the odds are not great. Here this man arrives with all this hidden baggage. He tastes like love. He looks like love. He looks like loyalty and trust but is he really these things? Only time will tell but the odds are not in Holly’s favor. Chances are this man is looking for a new woman to hide in.? 3. MOST MEN CANNOT BE ALONE AND THE REBOUND IS THEIR CONSOLATION PRIZE! A straight man is usually always climbing in and out of some pussy. This doesn’t give him much time to work on himself…his emotional self that is…and the state of warfare it may be in! ?? He is just taking that tired dick from one address to another without thinking of the toll it’s taking on these women and himself! Dead penis walking! ? Some of these men go way into their 40s having never loved anyone but their damn selves. Thus, we women must ask questions when we first meet them. One’s past does not have to dictate their future but it sure can be an indicator of a troubled cycle that must be tackled. If he won’t answer questions about his past…this could be a red flag that he hasn’t kicked those old habits! 2. BEWARE REBOUND WIFE….A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES HIS SPOTS! I don’t know about you guys but when I am trying to make a major change in my life (for myself) it is a process! Hell it is a journey! Nothing happens over night! So why does society think that if a man marries the next woman after a long term commitment has broken up…that he is instantly changed?! ? Child, please! He is just dumping his mess on another woman’s doorsteps! ✌? 1. GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS SO LET’S STOP CELEBRATING REBOUND WIVES! Girl! He married you! Sure did but um homegirl is he honoring, cherishing you, being loyal to you, and loving you like a good husband should?! Let’s keep it all the way real….not every man who gets married actually values marriage! Society cheers when we get them to the altar but who is cheering with us when he’s cheating, beating, or emotionally abusing us? The Rebound Wife is treated like a prize (by society) but she is really the consolation prize for what he could not have nor keep in the game of love. ?? She is the living mattress he will lay on. Yes she has the official title of wife but it does not mean she is being treated as such! So stop the bullshit. Let’s support the marriage and not just the mere task of getting a man to an altar. ?? No one knows why a man chooses a wife but him. For all we know…he could just be choosing his next victim and up the stakes! ? BONUS: FOR SOME WOMEN…BEING A REBOUND WIFE IS BETTER THAN BEING NO WIFE AT ALL! ? Some women want to be a wife so bad that they do not care who they are marrying! ? They may not care if the man will stay. They probably don’t care how he treats them either! They made it to wife status and that’s all that matters! ? These women thrive off of being the consolation prize. Yikes! I guess…to each their own. ~KJM on Throwback Thursday. EDITOR’S NOTE: merely being a second wife does not automatically make you a rebound wife. The theory is much more complicated. It’s really about are you getting that man whole or broken. Does he really want you or is he just filling a void. Good luck out there! ?