Happy Flashback Friday Queens! We are in the second day of a new season (literally and figuratively). Time to take stock of our lives and claim our power. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the twist and turns I made in my last season. There are some things I definitely wish I had done differently. However, I’ve made peace with my mistakes the best I can and am ready to move forward….educated, refreshed, and focused! It’s been a while since I’ve done a countdown so let’s try one today. Here are 5 Truths of The Never Mrs that I’ve recently come to terms with: 5. I AM UNMARRIED BY CHOICE AND HAPPY WITH THAT CHOICE: Sometimes I’m in the midst of a conversation with one of my female friends or a complete stranger (as strangers love to randomly share Too Much Information with me) and that woman will make some assumptions about my single state of mind. I’ve heard time and time again that when I meet the right one…I will know. They are assuming, of course, that I believe there is a right “one.” I cannot say if this piece of advice is actually true as I clearly haven’t semi met the right one. But I do feel like there are great loves that may be right for us in a certain season of our lives or never right for us at all. If you know me personally then you know that every goal I have set for myself…I go out of my way to achieve…and I do achieve it no matter how long it takes. Thus, being married or even in a permanent long term relationship was never part of my young adult plan. I purposely kept my head in the books and advanced my education. None of it was done accidentally. If I wanted to be married…I would be. And if you have been following this blog, you already know that when I speak of marriage…I speak of it being a smart financial option more than the best thing to do morally. I do not believe that a woman should leave herself unprotected (sexually nor financially) when it comes to a man. Fall in love but protect those current and future coins. Don’t help him build his empire without building yours and/or stamping your name on his IF your blood, sweat, and tears went into it…so that if you guys break up…you are not assed out! Now this doesn’t mean I will never marry. It just means that I’m aware it’s still not a priority. MY truth: I AM A NEVER MRS. BY CHOICE! 4. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ROMANTICALLY LOVED IN A WAY MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL FELT SAFE AND SECURE: While my younger self never thought about a life long partner, I never thought that by the age of 35 I would never have experienced a great love! The Ex Factor is the strongest love I have experienced thus far but most of the time it feels like unrequited love…so it doesn’t add up to a great love in my book. At least not at this chapter in my life. It sucks that I have not experienced the thing that most people say is the greatest feeling ever but when I look at the divorce rates from the last 10 years…I’m beginning to think I’m not alone. Some folks may think they found that great love but really haven’t! Welp….we all make mistakes. Does that great love really exist?! Or great loves? Not sure. For those who say it does exist…y’all talk to me when you’ve celebrated at least 30 years of being together (whether you guys chose to marry or just be life partners). Everything feels good in the NOW but only time will tell! MY truth: Never really been loved romantically where the essence of who I am came alive but neither have most folks! ?? I am just real about mines!? While romantic love evades me, I am my father’s world! And for that I will forever be blessed! No man should dare propose marriage to me without being able to protect and care for me at least 60% of the way my daddy has!✌?️ 3. I DO NOT LIKE GOOD RELATIONSHIP GUYS: Now you know I have to speak my truth. I’ve some amazing male friends who are wonderful husbands! I never chose to date not one of them because they are relationship guys! All the moving around I’ve done in the last 17 years for school and career…a relationship guy would have been hit me with an ultimatum because even he would have gotten tired of following my roaming ass! MY truth: I LOVE those selfish non relationship guys who can’t even say the word LOVE! Emotionally unavailable?!! Yasss boo….send me your digits! Yup…that’s my type AND is still my type. Hence the Ex Factor! If you are about a family life and love…I’m gonna dump you but not right away. First, I will get excited, then I will feel boxed in, and then I will get bored and lawd only knows what I will do next. Yes…I am the ultimate bachelorette!?? 2. TO THE ONCE WAS MRS: I have a few friends that are now on their second marriages AND happy so don’t give up hope if you thought you found the person for you and it didn’t work out. LOVE is still on the way! Keep the faith and take all the learned lessons with you while being open to a new love! MY truth: I’m glad I waited. I’m in no rush! ? 1. SINGLE IS A POWERFUL STATE OF MIND: I know it’s hard starting over in love and life BUT it’s worth it. I know some women (and men for that matter) who settled just because they felt the love they received is all they could get, they were lonely, or they just plain gave up on life….this is simply no way to live. As a single woman (with no children), I can easily walk away from anything that does not positively serve my spirit! We all have choices in life (whether we realize it or not) but a single person’s choice generally just affects us. I have the FREEDOM to start again…breathe again…love again! As long as we are living, the story is not over! The problem is most women are focused on a time line and end up not giving a damn who they share that time line with until some huge mistakes are made. A lot of men, on the other hand, screw over the women that truly love them and end up settling for “Miss She Just Happens To Be Here When I Am Ready To Be Serious” or “Miss I Just Knocked Her Up!” Even a ready to settle down man is still thinking with his little brain and not the big one!? I’m making a lot of generalizations right now but just hear me out. These are the common mistakes I’ve seen amongst the men and women I’ve known in this lifetime. If we all looked at the SINGLE state of mind as a powerful one…we could avoid so much hurt! Now even I get tired of “THE WAIT” but I won’t dare give up on myself, my possible future family, and love just because I’m tired! My ass is tired at work too but I put my back into that shit! Personal life should be no different! Be real with yourselves and be real with what you are currently looking for and praying for. Stay in that SINGLE state of mind empowered, not bitter, and open to the lessons along the way. I don’t know what the future holds but I know all good things blossom from self love, patience, God, and doing the WORK!!!?? MY truth: I am worth the wait! ?~KJM on Flashback Friday leaving you guys with some inspiring words from the late great Luther Vandross: “For me to get the love That I’d been missing Sometimes love takes a long time Wait for love And you’re gonna to get the chance to love Wait for love, wait for love oh, my”???Wait For Love by Luther Vandross. In loving memory of Michele Monique Johnson who would have been celebrating her birthday today. Miss you dearly?
Recent Comments