Well it’s the first day of Winter and I’m already in the midst of my Winter funk! Dramatic much?! Lol. This is just NOT my season but I must still live it the best I can. As I anxiously await the ball dropping into 2017 while PISSING on my memories from 2016…I turn a page. Started refocusing on myself and not giving two fucks about love. Yes I have kind of left you all hanging with the Ex Factor story…only hinting on where we may or may not be present day. Truthfully, I’ve just left that all to my Higher Power. Too exhausted to even bother giving it an extra thought. So if you feel like I left you with a cliff hanger…picture me sitting at the edge of a cliff having a glass of wine at sunset…waiting to see how the story unfolds my damn self! ?? Now to this turning page theory. While many of you are drafting up New Resolutions…I generally shy away from them. Last year I made September (2015) my New Years when I launched this blog. A Gemini has the ability to make any day or month feel brand new! However, there is something about the last couple days of the year that seem so….FINAL! So I turn the page…burning what I can. Yea…you read that right! ? I started cleaning up my private social network page and unfriending people I’ve no real issue with except for the fact that they are connected to people I no longer want to be connected to! Why am I having some level of guilt about this? I deserve to not have any of Julio’s family on my page! I deserve to not spend 20 years in emotional debt to somebody who frankly…is always going to be an asshole! I’ve tried the friendship route with him and he fucked that up…permanently. Julio is a source of negativity and I am just ready to not know any form of him! ?? And to be honest…none of my other exes…not even the Ex Factor…has any extended friends nor family on my private page! When I’m done with a person…friend, family, or lover…I wish them well…but I could really care less how they are doing! I mourn them and then I aim to successfully move on. People, especially ex friends, hate this about me. I RARELY look back! As I continue to turn the page, I’m thinking of changing my cell phone number even though I LOVE that number. I’ve had it for over 15 years…but my block list is getting so long that I’m really starting to think it’s just time to change my number! It’s the weirdest thing…people wanting to hold on to you when you have already let go of them! While I have no hate in my heart for any one, the guilt of turning the page and leaving folks behind is heavy. I want to FREE myself from unnecessary stress and closing doors enhances that goal. Yet I can’t help but feel bad for wanting to limit people in my life. Turning the page…I heard a voice say…but it’s a NECESSITY! You cannot stay in the same place with the same people living the same moments! No matter how much we want to stay put…we have to March on…head held high…gracefully stepping into our new destiny. To be the REAL me…I must always be ready to embrace the NEW me as she sheds her skin and recreates her life from scratch…each time. I cannot stand in time for you! I cannot even stand in time for ME! The winds will blow and the forces shall push me in a direction! Isn’t it better that I choose that direction? So I turn the page and I take small steps into the unknown. Not sure if it’s the frost bite of the Winter Solstice that has this cold feeling coming over me…it’s BOLD and it’s FREEING! It’s not the harshness I anticipated! It’s the birth of my new skin and no it didn’t come without hardship…~KJM on Hump Day saying do not be afraid to free yourselves from anything or anyone that does not promote your growth!
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