The Awakening

I awoke after a period of time where I was unconscious. But before I can speak on it…let me take you into a realm of unconsciousness. Eyes closed. It felt like I had slept for days when I realized where I was. I’m not sure how I got here…just know that the last time I remembered being me…I was pulling the covers over my head. We all have moments in life like this…a moment where we want to be unconscious. My mind was filled with so many thoughts that I just wanted to stop thinking. Stop feeling. Stop hoping. Stop keeping the faith. Stop praying. I’m ashamed the most of that last one. I always imagined myself praying even in my sleep. Things just got so overwhelming and if I just stopped…maybe I could catch my breath. Breathe Kingston breathe! That’s what I kept whispering to myself during my time of unconsciousness. You are a fighter. Reclaim your life! But there I was….still sleeping. Still not feeling. Oh the break from feeling was the most therapeutic. My heart could just beat and I could just be. No tears. No fears. No feeling. Life was swallowing me up and I stopped feeling. Numbness was my friend. She promised me a life of no tears forgetting to mention that she, Numbness that is, would also take away smiles. Did I really want to give all of that up? I could do without my heart breaking but what about the times my heart fell so deep in love that it felt like the Heavens were smiling at me? What about those times? Eyes closed yet a tear fell. One tear. That’s all it took and I could suddenly feel again. Just one tear and I was back. Promising myself never to willingly lay in a state of unconsciousness…and to never willingly give up on my life and heart…my eyes slowly began to open. Part of my spirit awoke…unlocking my limbs and my arteries. Suddenly blood was pumping through my body with a powerful force. The tears started to stream then and my eyes were now fully open. Crying was a sign of being conscious! I…was…now…conscious! And it was the deepest awakening I had ever experienced. ~KJM on Throwback Thursday asking “won’t you feel with me?”