I am having one of those off weeks where I have diarrhea of the mouth. The things I say are so true…that is…my truth as I know it but still not everything should be said. Of course, I have made an art of saying things that should never be spoken. ??♀️ According to my mother, I started to perfect this art at the age of one and a half…as soon as I learned to talk. ??♀️??♀️??♀️?? Yesterday was a particularly gruesome version of having severe diarrhea of the mouth. I managed to accidentally insult a coworker, annoy my mother, and of course, cuss the Ex Factor the fuck out. ???♀️? It was all accidentally…I swear. With the Ex Factor and I, one minute we were laughing at something I sent him and the next we were arguing. Everyone that knows me know that arguing with me is a fight they are going to lose. I am the champ of ‘fuck off where you stand’ mixed with ‘and another thing…fuck you again!’ ??♀️ Oh my parents would be so proud?! NOT!!! ? My mother is always telling me that there are certain things you should never say to a man…even if it’s true. If there are ten things you should never ever say to a man…I have said them all plus come up with another ten ball busting sentences that should never be repeated. ?? Wait…I ain’t never said the baby ain’t yours…it’s your best friends or the mailman’s. ??? Yasss…the one ball buster I have never said! ????♀️ Shit and I better not because my parents would kill my ass for that one! ??? Now where was I…oh yea…crushing balls with my six inch heels. ??♀️ You may think I am this way because I am an alpha female but that’s only part of it. Like Auntie Iyanla would say…every thing goes back to our childhood pathology. I grew up with my mother, especially her younger version, swallowing every messed up thing my father ever did to her. She would cry and cry and not speak up for herself. As she got older and realized that she’s raising young girls who are looking at her like ‘what the fuck mom’ she started growing a strong vagina. Mama Michaels fought for her independence and held her own…this I am so proud of. Better late than never. ? She went from being a battered woman (something I hate speaking about because it’s so hurtful) to being a woman of strength who could raise an alpha female like myself. ?? Seeing the earlier version of her…did something to me though. I have had this talk with my father several times. I am not married and do not have children because of what I witnessed in my home. If it is just me…I can travel lite…never staying anywhere long enough for any man to knock out my teeth. Yes…this is a sad reality…for most of the women in my family. I aimed to be the first to live differently. To live for myself. I aimed to be a FREE woman even in love. ?? What I have come to find out is…this is no easy task. Even brave me has succumb to doing my best not to hurt the male ego while eating my own feelings…silently. I think no matter how strong we woman are…environment can still affect us. We still live in a patriarchal society. We are still reduced to our virtuous sexuality and reproductive systems. Meaning…no matter what we accomplish…society still ranks us on looks, how loyal we are to our broken men, and our ability to reproduce. ? Patriarchy is so toxic that it still seeps in…no matter how hard we try to fight against it. And so we women eat our feelings…silently…for the male ego. And what does that do for us? Either we get severely depressed or we become raving lunatics who explode for the slightest reasons! ???♀️??♀️ Fuck, fuck, fuck! ? No matter what you decide when conflicts arise in your relationships….just remember we can only work on ourselves. We can only hold ourselves accountable. Some how we have to find a balance between feeling unheard and being labeled crazy for expressing our feelings. I am not sure what the balance is but I’m still aiming to work on me. To the Ex Factor…I say…I am really sorry for my part of our argument. ~KJM is holding herself accountable on Hump Day. This does not mean he was right nor diminish the things he said. All it does is show my need for growth as a woman.