No one ever tells you that it will visit you at least once in your lifetime. So when we hear it…the sounds of bitterness…in the distance…we aren’t prepared for it. Life is so much more easier when we wallow in our heartbreaks and disappointments. It’s actually much more difficult to get up and fight for our happiness. Sometimes I feel frozen in time and the guilt of accepting this pain for so long is overwhelming. If only I had had the courage to say to him that he does not bring happiness. Happiness existed when he was no where to be found. Happiness is me taking very good care of myself…treating myself in a way no one but my Daddy has ever treated me. Happiness is my annual trips to see Harmony. With desert winds in our hair and some good wine…we rule the world…laughing. Happiness is me losing weight after complaining for so long about it. Happiness is anywhere but with him. If only I had been brave enough to speak those words to him every time he came back. HAPPINESS WAS NEVER WITH YOU! I…I can say it now. ?? My thoughts are interrupted by ruffled sounds buried in the wind. It’s coming closer…towards me and within those sounds of bitterness lies a permanent home for my broken heart. There it shall stay. Never healed. In the same place in time. Where was the happiness wind? Why has it not swept me up? I am alone but with his shadow hovering over me. If he is not responsible for my happiness then he certainly does not have the power to damn my heart into a permanent place of bitterness! ?? And that is my truth. I, along with God, are still the master of my own destiny. He who gifts me with darkness and pain is not the Alpha nor the Omega. ?? He…is…just…a…boy. So where is my happiness wind? Wrapped in courage and bravery? Waiting for me to get swept up in it? I am close…I feel it. Just have to find the strength to chase away the sounds of bitterness. I do not want to wallow nor waste more of my heart’s time…stuck in a painful time. I need to free myself. I…need…to…breathe…HAPPINESS! I…WILL…BREATHE…HAPPINESS! ??~KJM awaiting her happiness wind on Throwback Thursday! ?I am so close!
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