I have often wondered why I’m back in the same place I was in 2010. Why must I endure more pain and heartache with the Ex Factor?! Why was I not strong enough to escape this cycle? What is the lesson to be learned here? Whatever it is….I’m eager to learn it because I do not want to be in the same place this time next year. Then I saw a quote by Iyanla Vanzant and it all began to make sense: “Facing the truth is hard. It is painful as hell. The truth will set you free BUT you have to ENDURE THE PAIN OF BIRTHING IT.” ~Iyanla Vanzant?? I think, though I cannot be sure, that this is the message for me. I’m always running from the Ex Factor the minute I begin to feel pain but was never strong enough to stand still in my truth and endure the pain of birthing it! What is my truth that I need to endure? Perhaps it may be that in summer 2010…the Ex Factor was everything I needed in that moment in time. On my face financially, he was there for me. That was his season and his purpose. But truth be told that was the one and only season he was there for me…that he put me first. Fighting to get the old Ex Factor back has been a losing battle. That loving, caring, and thoughtful guy isn’t returning…at least not for me. And it was hard to let go of that season. I do not think even he wanted to let go of it…as I didn’t get into this cycle by myself. But here we still are…and I’m doing my best to endure it…THIS time…and give birth to my painful truth. I have no clue where my truth will lead me. And I’m frightened. Yes…Kingston Jael Michaels…is terrified. I love the Ex Factor with all my heart. Maybe I wasn’t certain of it before but I’m sure of it now. But sometimes our love feels more like a burden than heaven sent. Maybe we are in the middle of a storm? Or maybe this is just us?? Whatever it is…I must see it through until the Good Lord feels I’ve gone as far as I can and that I’ve learned the lesson HE brought me here to teach me. You see…birthing your truth…I believe…is more than endurance of pain. It’s also about a life lesson that we need to learn to prepare us for our future. It is God’s way of saying HE is not done with us yet…and have no fear…because HE has prepared us for this journey.?~KJM on Serenity Sunday saying do not be afraid to birth your painful truth!
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