I have rolls and cellulite. Every year I wish my body looked like the year before yet I try so hard to love the skin I’m in no matter what! Rolls and all! There’s no Beyoncé firm bootie here and certainly no sight of Ciara abs but I’m still a beautiful woman with a beautiful body!?? Sometimes I dream of my 25 year old body and mourn. Where did she go? Why did I take her for granted when I had her? I could eat grass weed and deny myself my favorite desserts for the rest of my life and try to get her back but let’s be real…I love a hot fudge sundae way too much! Lol. There’s nothing wrong with getting in shape and working on the things we see fit…however…keep in mind that even if you hit those life long goals…you still may not be comfortable with who you are! A lot of us suffer from the never satisfied syndrome (including myself). I have already sang my “if onlys” in one of my blogs in the past week. It’s a deep song but it does not fill in the gaps within. No matter where I am in life…I have to love myself…rolls, cellulite, and all! So last night I laid in my fat with my honey as we talked, watched basketball (Go Nets!)….and I even let him preview one of my upcoming podcast episodes. We laughed and laughed. It felt good to just lay in my rolls of glory with the Ex Factor and just be me. While I don’t always feel good about my body…I try not to hide it from him. You see…he never met the 25 year old me and fell in love with all that fat back I’m carrying. ??And even though he does not have an inch of fat on his body and goes to the gym 7 days a week…I think we’ve finally started getting back to that place where I feel loved and wanted for all my imperfections. With not a lick of makeup on…I told him about my horrible work week as he listened intently. He did not need to add anything. Just him being there when I needed him was enough. He held me as the game went on. I didn’t have a clue how the Nets were doing because my focus was on us but I know we were both present in that moment! ? And it was nice to just be…me! Ignorant as fuck and all! That reminded me of another important Serenity message. I was comfortable discussing my sadness and anger about all the events that had occurred during my week. And if you read my last blog…you know I stopped short of wishing my bad mouthing manager a nasty case of herpes! ? My post was beyond ignorant but for any of you that have experienced this kind of betrayal at work….I’m sure you can understand where that anger came from. I work hard! You may not like me but never take that away from me. ✌?️I think I was okay with telling babe my craziest thoughts of the week because I already allowed myself to honestly feel those emotions and did not suppress them! I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I felt the anger burning into my spirit and lived out those feelings at the exact moment I experienced them! What a freeing feeling! ?? And then…I was ready to release it all like toxins in my body and let it go! That’s right! Serenity is welcoming uncomfortable emotions and allowing yourself to feel them. Then forgiving yourself for the negative emotions. This allows us to move on from a place where we were stuck. And that my dear is serenity! Getting unstuck with the person you love the most as they listen to your deepest thoughts and feel your deepest emotions! ~KJM is getting unstuck with the person she loves the most on Serenity Saturday! Love you baby?
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