I DID NOT LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH IN 2016. That is the cold…hard…truth. There were moments I let myself down. Moments I accepted less than I was worth. Moments I was barely hanging on…to the ME I have come to know and love. Yes…I did not love myself enough! I’m sure we have all had moments like these. It does not mean we suffer from low self esteem…and even if we did…it doesn’t mean we can’t find our way back to self love. Facing my truth has given me the strength to forgive myself…for I’m only human. Typically, I would beat myself up over my mistakes in the new year but not in 2017! Being angry at myself and the one who hurt me…never got me anywhere in all the other years…so why not practice self forgiveness now? I loved a man and it just didn’t work out. It happens. And the minute I accepted the fact that he is who he is and that he isn’t going to change…AND that it is okay that I loved him and tried to make it work even when it was detrimental to my mental and emotional health…I FREED MYSELF! ?? I loved…that’s what counts. And I AM STILL STANDING! Not angry at him and not angry at myself. Serenity is acceptance! I cannot fight what isn’t meant to be. I love him but I love myself more. While I cannot be sure…I think I freed myself from the burden of it all…the exact moment that I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. It was freezing but it was beautiful! Wind in my hair and bruise on my left arm from me climbing the top of the tour bus to take pictures of my moment…I freed myself from the expectation of being perfect! I AM IMPERFECT! But the name of the game should never be perfection…it should be loving and growing in my imperfect skin! ?? And I can start again in 2017! I can love and respect myself more! I can demand my worth from the world. And I certainly can be brave enough to love again! All is not lost! And if I have moments of regrets and sadness about the mistakes I made…I will tell myself to remember the times when I would open my eyes and see a good morning text from him. Remember the days when he use to look at me like I was the only woman in the world. Remember the times he was the last person I spoke with at night. Remember when he use to surprise me in tiny loving ways. Remember the moment I knew I was in love with him. Remember our first night together. Remember when I felt like my heart was living outside of my body. Yes I will remember…and those memories will be my comfort…for I did not love myself enough during these last 6.5 years but at some point….I was in love and being loved back. I did not turn myself into a fool for nothing. Once there was something great….something I’ve yet to see in any other man’s eyes. Yes there was something MAGICAL and I LOVED and LIVED it the best I could! ~KJM on Serenity Saturday saying be kind to yourselves…especially at times when others are not kind to you! ?
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