Happy Serenity Sunday! Last night, I had one of those small break through life moments. One of my most therapeutic tasks in life is cleaning my bathroom. I am not sure how long it’s been…but I have been avoiding cleaning it. It’s like I hit a road block. Every weekend, I would say today is going to be the day and then I would not clean my bathroom. I use to love cleaning the bathroom so much that I would do a three hour ritual…no matter the size of my bathroom. Typically, I would also redecorate it. For months, my bathroom has been brown and blue. I have been wanting to change it to red and cream but would fail to. Everyday I wake up disgusted at not just the state of my bathroom but the look of the colors I wanted to rip down! Yet there I stood…frustrated and frozen. It’s just a bathroom to some but for me it’s a sign of where I am in life. Since end of January, my family and I have been living a nightmare. Some family members refuse to talk about it, others are angry, and some have break downs every time we receive a negative update. No matter their response…I carry the burden with me every day. It has caused my stress eating, increased my insomnia, and caused a situational depression that I haven’t experienced in 5 years. I am sad. I am confused. And I’m making the best decisions I can for my family. I don’t get a day off. I have to deal with it even if no one else wants to. My heart and spirit are broken. I feel motionless and lifeless most of the time. But I digress. Last night, I was putting flexi rods in my hair and I had that break through moment! I GAVE MYSELF 45 MINUTES TO GET MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK!!! Just 45 minutes! This means I have to clean AND redecorate my bathroom in that time. It will NOT be a perfect clean. I have to admit that I am not perfect and I have to do what I can. I have to be easy on myself. In 45 minutes, I may not get everything done but I will get something done that will help get my life back on track. I AM HUMAN! I AM NOT PERFECT! I must acknowledge these truths to move forward in my life!!!?? Within seconds, I started ripping things down while bleaching!!! Keeping in mind that I only have 45 minutes! Why is the time so important? Because if I gave myself til eternity, I may quit or exhaust myself to the point where I am disappointed that I cannot do it all. With a time limit, I am saying to myself…do what you can and whatever small thing you accomplish is still an accomplishment. ?? Plus I am on a 7 day work schedule with my day job…so I need to get some sleep. 45 minutes! 45 minutes! 45 minutes! It took me 50 minutes but I achieved a lot. My bathroom is now red and cream. And I left the mirrors and the sink alone but tub/shower, toilet, and floor were shining! ? At one point, my toilet brush broke but I didn’t freak out..I improvised with what I had and I got my life back on track…even if it was just in a small way. This was a significant moment because before it…life was just taking over. It was happening to me and I no longer had the energy to respond. In this small moment, I began to reclaim my life! I began to breathe again! ?? SMALL VICTORIES ARE STILL VICTORIES! To God Be the glory! The blood of Jesus is carrying me when I can no longer carry myself. I can never be CHRIST (only HE is perfect) but humans can be Christ-like. ?? Faith is all I have right now. HE is walking with my family and I. So I breathe knowing that HE is catching my every breath. ~KJM on Serenity Sunday! If you are going through a situational depression, try to start small in reclaiming your life. Make a list and do what you can. Each day, cross off what’s done and be grateful you were able to do it…no matter the size of the task. This is harder to accomplish if you are clinically depressed! Seek professional help! And loved ones please keep an eye on those suffering. I was blessed that I could step outside of myself and recognize what was happening with me but not everyone will be able to. Please check on your strong friends too! Everyone breaks! ??
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