Happy MLK and Charm School Monday! It is freezing in the Tri State area but I’m still going to type with these frozen fingers as I commute to work. ? Over the weekend, the Ex Factor asked me if I thought marriage was sacred. He did not believe it was because divorce exists. My answer was too complicated to share with him in that moment but last night I finally found the words and text it to him. Before I share my views on marriage…it’s important to note that the Ex Factor and I also got into an unexpected argument about marriage, family, and raising children. I am not sure what was bugging him so much but for me…he hit a nerve when he said women were illogical and irrational. As an example, he threw in my face that he’s still in my life despite the fact that I say he no longer treats me well. This statement, I felt at the time, was an attack on my self esteem. Thus, my ego entered the room and just could not let his ego win. I have yet to learn that not every argument is worth having. Things ended tensely. We have had millions of arguments over the phone or through text but in person…we had never had one until now. Usually just seeing his face softens me but not this time. I’m not even going to repeat what I said about men. If you have been following this blog, I’m sure you have an idea. Lol. But I digress. Here’s my answer to the Ex Factor’s question about marriage: “They say what is illogical and unexplainable are acts of God. If you can reason it…it is in human form and does not require faith. As for marriage, I do believe it’s sacred. Sacred is saying it’s a sacrament that should not be broken but does not mean it cannot be broken for God gave us (humans) free will. I know it’s sacred because (1) it is ordained by God, (2) I steer clear of married men for I fear the wrath of God, and (3) I will not enter into marriage lightly. What is sacred does not mean it is guaranteed to last forever (God can make us no such promise because of the free will He gave us). It just means that there are consequences if it is broken. Many marry for many different reasons but it does not mean they viewed marriage as sacred. If one is questioning the sanctimony of marriage…they are really questioning their faith. For no one knows what the road holds but faith tells true believers that what is illogical and irrational is an act of God. This is why some couples who (from the outside) look odd may thrive in a way perfect looking couples do not. It is unexplainable. Romance is a human thing. Love and loyalty for someone when all the romantic feelings have long left you…is an unexplainable act of God. Had to think about it long and hard to give you my answer. I do believe in marriage but not in the way most do. I don’t believe one person can truly fulfill ALL of another’s needs forever (or even for a short period of time). But our duty to God is not about our needs. It’s about fulfilling His true purpose for us. The Bible says the first marriage is ordained by God. My mom and I argue about this often. If we have free will and we choose for ourselves…then that person may not be who God chose for us. Thus the first marriage may not be the first marriage in God’s eyes. Just my two cents which I’m sure you will disagree with. Lol. This is long but I don’t think you will mind since I’m not telling you off. Lol.” He now loathes my long curse him out texts. Hmmm…I wonder why? Lol. I don’t have all the answers but my faith tells me that marriage is very sacred. No one ever showed me what a healthy marriage looked like (even though the Michael’s have been legally married for 34 years?). My brother, Junior, says we have to teach ourselves what true love and commitment looks like since we have no blueprint. I admire his views and his strides to make that happen in his own relationship. As for me, I am a work in progress as I lay at night with my ego and pride. Lol. But I am no fool to think long term commitment (especially a marriage) is easy. The Ex Factor still lives in some sort of fairytale that I think his parents (who are now married 31 years) read to him. I pray his skepticism of marriage isn’t coming from them (who I have always heard referred to as happily married). I grew up in the school of the hard knocks with the Michael’s family. I have no where to go but up from here. No fairytale was ever recited to me but my mama taught me how to stand on faith and I think that’s what you need more than ever to excel in a marriage. Yes I illogically and irrationally love the Ex Factor but it’s clear he does not understand how unconditional love works. It is not something that makes sense. It is not in the human form…for unconditional love is an act of God. I cannot touch it. I cannot see it but my faith tells me that even in the trials and tribulations…it exists and it is a gift from God. ~KJM on Charm School Monday. ? I am a firm believer that you will only know if you can make it to forever…when you actually do.
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