The frost of Thanksgiving Night has thawed out. And then the dawn appeared filled with new brave thoughts. If I am alone…just let me alone. ALONE I can handle. What is breaking me is being stuck in the middle. Feeling your warmth on certain days and your cold shoulder on others. Never really feeling like a priority. I know I am alone. What I am really asking is for you to let me feel completely alone. I can withstand frost alone. I can dig myself out of a snow storm alone. My life could completely fall apart and I could piece it together…alone. This I know. What I don’t like is feeling like you should be here for me….present with me…yet you are not. It is not that I feel the presence of other women. If I had this feeling…breaking away from you would be easy. There are so many ways a man can make a woman…his woman…feel alone. Whether your focus is on friends, family, or video games…it just feels like I’m laying with a phantom of you. Alone is my safe place. Like completely alone. I travel alone (by choice). I live alone (by choice). Alone is my safe space. I can share any truths with myself. I can hold myself. I can pleasure myself. What makes me uncomfortable is not the thought of being alone…but the ghost of you that is barely present. I can see a new dawn being born as the sun rises. The warmth of understanding that it is a new day and I am alone is okay with me. I will not break. I will not be sad for I can trust myself to be alone with myself. I can rely on me…always have. I will show up for myself. And in the darkest hours, I would rather know that you were never showing up than to be disappointed by the phantom of you being absent again. If I am alone in this world…then let me be alone. There is PEACE in being alone. I won’t waste a night of sleep missing me nor yearning for myself. For I got me. There is a deep understanding of self…when one is alone. ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. So many of us women are carrying our relationships (whether dating or married). A relationship (not even marriage) does not guarantee that you won’t be nor feel alone. Many of us will settle down with useless corpses of a man but never forget that we still have ourselves. Sometimes alone is just the best place to be. ?
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