Last night I awoke to see that my first love Julio had called and text me. After 19 years of him being in my life and him now living in Dallas…I didn’t hesitate to return his call. Always want to know that he’s ok. We talked about so much but as usual Julio knows how to push my buttons. All I could do was take a deep breath and try not to take offense to anything he says. Somewhere in the conversation, I told Julio about Elijah. I’ve been trying to avoid that topic especially when Julio came home right before the holidays and wanted to see me. My work schedule is crazy so it was easy to tell him that I wasn’t able to meet up…this time. Truth be told, I was exhausted and even though I wasn’t sure where I stood with Elijah…I still held him down. As a matter of fact since I’ve been seeing Elijah, I’ve had 3 chances (that I know of) to leave him and date someone else (especially from my past). I went through so much with Julio and the ex factor (a total of 15 years of on and off again)…though I always knew Julio loved me….that I can’t imagine entertaining either one of them. I’m also enjoying my friendship with Julio. 19 years of knowing each other…he’s finally become that great ex husband that I never want to date again!?? I told him that 1997-2007, with exception of some slip ups, I was all about him. When he broke up with me at the end of my first year of professional school, my heart gave up. We briefly messed around Fall 2009 when I was out of school and struggling. Julio was not there for me emotionally nor financially. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I could not trust a man with my future and my future children who could not take care of me….the way my father does. I asked Julio to pay my cell phone bill once and he said no because he knew I would be calling other guys. He was right about that but when my phone was briefly cut off and I couldn’t talk to Phoenix who was preparing for Dental school at the time…nor could I call potential employers, I realized that Julio was not the type of man that I would want to be my husband nor the father of my children. Not to mention, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have happily paid his cell phone bill not caring who he was calling because we go back way too far to not look out for each other. I’ve always had his back…hence why he stays close. My love was everything! Too bad he didn’t realize it back then. To add insult to injury, Julio guessed what Elijah looked like and he was 90% right. He guessed that we were in the same field and even guessed what borough Elijah lives in!? Julio always did know me well…even when I switch up my type (Julio was never my type and Elijah is not my usual type)….he is in sync with what type of man I would go for different in stages of my life. Where he fell and bumped his head, however, is Julio never knew how to view me…the true me. He told me I should be taking a break from dating (which is not realistic if children is an option because I’m 34) and that I’m always in love with self esteem issues. You know I had to clap back and let him know that while he depicted Elijah correctly (as far as physical features, hobbies, and occupation) I’m a confident woman who loves myself. I didn’t seek Elijah…God introduced me to Elijah. I always remind y’all that the day Elijah introduced himself to me…I was crying and praying. I believe he’s in my life for a reason. Elijah is either the one for me or he is the last lesson I need to learn before I become a wife to another man!?? Further more Elijah is fire and I am air. Fire needs air to thrive but air does not need fire to exist (read this on some horoscope site one night when I couldn’t sleep). I’m pretty sure Elijah and I both know this! The Gemini is always an independent being. One good thing that came out of this conversation is that if Julio is panicking and saying hurtful things (even if in jest) I’m onto something big! Julio is afraid of losing me so I must be close to unconditional love because like I said before…he knows me well. I’m going to keep trying to make things work with Elijah…and of course….keep praying. Prayer makes a huge difference! ?? ~KJM on Hump Day saying every new beginning takes work but remember that no amount of work could salvage your past or it would be your present/future. Love someone with all your heart today and you won’t ever have to have conversations like these…tomorrow.