Yesterday I got to spend some much needed time with some of my extended family from Virginia/Jamaica. Before they left, I remembered to seize this beautiful memory by taking photos. It was so beautiful. However, I could not help but notice how much bigger I looked. After they left, I got on the scale and realized I not only gained back the 20 lbs I lost last May but I am also now at my highest weight ever. And I know how I got here. Not fully ready to talk about it…not even with you guys but I know how I got here. I just got into survival mode and food helped me with it. If you couple that with my winter blues…well let’s just say I’m not in a healthy place. Often great weight gain or weight loss is just the symptom of a deeper issue. In rare cases, people have weight issues only because they have a problem with food. The issue tends to be something larger and unmasked that people are ashamed to admit. So here I am…in a place of survival…and from the looks of it…I’m losing. I can say I’m going to try Weight Watchers again or try some other program but I’m not. Those programs show people how to have a better relationship with food and that’s not really my issue. Plus I cannot eat like that forever and already understand how the program works even though I’m no longer on it. I have been working out but need to stick to committing to it more even when my work schedule changes. I am just going to start with baby steps and make some changes. I didn’t get to this place overnight and I won’t get out of it overnight. The most important thing I am going to try to do is stay away from toxic people and love some folks from afar. I always tell you guys to protect your peace but I have not been doing such a great job of it. Those pictures showed it. I have to attack the underlining issue. I need to wrap up my grief and join the living again. I need to join the living again. Recently, I just finished binge watching all 7 seasons of Game Of Thrones and am absolutely obsessed with it. The people from the Iron Islands have a religion motto for all Iron born. They say “what is dead may never die. But rise stronger and harder.” These are great words to live by. If what is dead can never truly die…than a painful rebirth is on its way. ~KJM crying as I write this on Serenity Sunday. I pray for a season of rebirth for you all. To Nicole, Jael, and Nicole’s mommy…I love you! ? Editor’s Note: Even when I’m not at the weight I desire…I always dress my best at the weight I am. I have always been smart enough to know that if you don’t love yourself at every stage in life…positive change will never come and stay. Stay healthy my friends and don’t do anything crazy to change your life overnight. Do the work and learn from the process. ?
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