At first glance, I wish I had been the type of woman that could say to him…I’ve waited for you my whole life. I wish I could have made the time stop and show him all my wounds that came before him. Part of me wished I could have taken all my broken pieces and handed it over to him….urging him to put me back together. I wish I could have been the type of woman to say…let’s never break up because you are my whole world. I hoped by now that I could wear each scar as a badge of honor and show them off with pride! After all…I lived them, I survived them, and I earned the right to say that they did not kill me! I wish I could say that I see my future in him. Most of all, I wish I missed him more than I missed my freedom to fly off to whatever destination I wanted! You see even at 34, while the clock is ticking and everyone around me has a family, I fail to imagine a world where it’s more than just me…that’s worth fighting for. At first glance, I should have just said openly and honestly that I could never be the type of woman to make him my everything. There’s always another adventure. Always a part of me that says only pain can exist in a home where it is more than just me who lays down there. You see the thing about this awakening is I feel everything! Pain, passion, and the poison that lies in my veins…the type of poison my mind created that said…happiness in love just isn’t for you. I….feel…everything! And once I awoke, I made the conscious choice to continue to feel…not think of….everything. ~KJM yearning for Spring on this cloudy Sunday.
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