Last night, one of my married friends who is also a blogger, Toi, responded privately to my blog “Do Husbands Get Soaked In The Rain?” It’s like she knew I needed someone to talk to in a way that gave me peace with my decision. She replied “yes husbands do get soaked in the rain with their wives…if they want to stay husbands!” Toi also reminded me that “old fools were once young fools.” The thing is I’ve known a lot of wives who married husbands that would not get soaked in the rain with them and many of them are either remarried to great husbands or stayed way too long and are now divorced. I love to learn from other people’s experiences. Unlike most of these young folks out here, I don’t want to learn everything for myself even when wiser people are warning me of things. I am happy to grab a pen and a pad and take notes! When I wrote last night’s blog, I wasn’t waivering from my decision. Elijah just was not ready for real love and commitment. And if there’s anything I’ve learned from my two longest relationships, Julio and the ex factor, it is to stay away from selfish people and save yourself! No amount of love is going to change a person if they don’t want to change! I explained to Toi that had I been angry when Elijah would not meet me out in the rain, we would probably still be dating! But I felt disappointment and then sadness…feelings I’m not use to and they were my indication that I’ve done all I can do in this relationship. Elijah needs a woman who will always come to him and he never has to show up for her. I’m not that woman! My future spouse has to be willing to walk away from it all and come get soaked in the rain with me when he senses I need him! Yes I was strong enough to make the journey all the way to see Elijah. I did not need him to carry me over puddles like some back in the day movie but I needed to know he would come for me. It was the act itself that I needed to see and feel. Independent means I can do for myself but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a companion in life who has my back and I have his! On a recent trip, my cab driver, who picked me up from the airport, and I discussed relationships. He asked me why such a beautiful and intelligent woman such as myself was not married. My reply…”until I meet a man where when I look in his eyes I see the unconditional love my father has for me…I shall be single!” My cab driver paused and then turned around to look at me at a red light and said “you know that may be damn near impossible because no one loves you like your father!” He is probably right but my daddy has spent all 34 years of my life carrying me in the rain! Papa Michaels made me into the very strong young woman I am today and there’s nothing I’ve ever done in life that made his love for me waiver. I am my father’s joy and I wake up knowing it every day. Until I see even a glimmer of that unconditional love in a man’s eyes romantically, there’s no way I can become a wife! I was built to stand in the rain by myself and to know when to get out of the rain but true love to me…like the love I’ve known since my creation…is the type of love worth getting soaked for! And so I wait. Thank you so much Papa Michaels for loving my spoil behind in a way where I won’t be with someone who wouldn’t get soaked in the rain with me! I wish this kind of love, whether through family and/or romantically to all my readers! ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying thanks for being there Toi!
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