And I Asked Him

And I asked him…how long could he see himself loving me? He began to speak but before the words could come out, he paused. Then he said I’m not sure. And then I asked him how long would he stay? Once again he paused before saying he wasn’t sure. We stood there in silence as we began to examine my scars. And then I asked him…how long could he bare to look at my scars. Silence this time. Complete silence. I think this was the moment that tears were suppose to swell up in my eyes but none came. No tears would fall that day. I looked over to see that he had a freshly reopened wound on his arm. And then I did the unexpected. I smiled and began to bandage his wound. And then I let him walk away. True love should be freeing and if it wasn’t true then I did not want it. Most people would probably think there would be nothing but sadness after that day but I went on to laugh, travel, explore, and love myself in a way that was deeper and freeing. Yes! I found freedom within myself. I could be alone with myself and celebrate my strengths and weaknesses. I don’t think I could have done all of that if he had still been present in my life. We all deserve someone who will not hesitate to say that they will love us forever, will stay until eternity, and will easily help us heal as we do the same for them. I deserve that! But until then…I can be all those things for myself. And so I asked myself…am I really up to the task of loving myself until the end of time? No hesitation here. I smiled and rode off into the sunset. ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying self love is one of my greatest strengths.?