Vulnerability

I am left holding the knife. The blade is so sharp. Pierced through my heart a million times. Yet I am left holding the knife. YOUR weapon of mass destruction. Yet I must wear the scars. The weight of the knife in my hands has left me trembling. Cannot figure out why this is MY burden to carry. I…I…loved you. Freely. Openly. I loved you. Never purposely using a weapon against you. Always putting you first. First thought in the morning and last thought at night. And what did I receive for all my “love?” I am left holding the knife. YOUR weapon of mass destruction. The weight is too heavy for you. To injure AND to have to be left accountable for your crimes against humanity…my heart. So you left me holding the knife…not caring if I have to do 20 to life…because of it. Not aware of how it will haunt me…knowing exactly how this…knife…was used against me when my only goal was to love. You left me holding the knife. And it was to be expected. I was the gate keeper of love. I felt the disappointments. Breathed the deceit. I am the keeper of everything heavy. And so the knife ways me down. I tremble but…I don’t dare to drop it. It’s like I signed on to carry your baggage for you. You have long fled the scene…leaving me with this piercingly sharp object. I…I did not commit the crime. I just came here to love. Freely. Openly. Stupidly. And how did you repay me? By leaving me with YOUR knife. I had not hurt anyone. I took each stab…standing up each time…hoping and praying you would see my strength and find me worthy of being the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Never realizing that each wound now made me unsavory…undesirable…and practically road kill. Hands trembling. I still balance the knife. Letting it weigh me down. Hoping and praying that one day…because of all I had endured…that the wounds would be viewed as badges of honor. Like a Purple Heart. Honor. Love. Respect. ~KJM on Hump Day. ?