As the leaves change colors and the crisp Fall air creeps in….so does our season of misunderstandings. Things I never thought twice about in the Summertime…now plague me throughout the night. I am unsure. I am insecure. And yes I can admit that. As the days get shorter and darkness feels permanent….my winter blues appear. And it’s like he forgets EVERY YEAR that these next two seasons will be very challenging for me. There I am…in a midst of confusion….exhausted from the overhaul of darkness. Where is he?! I need him to be more present during these seasons. Darkness breathes instability and no matter how much yoga and meditation I practice….negative thoughts appear. I’m drowning in a sea of “what if’s” and “why me’s?” And like where the hell is he? This is the season I start to question everything and everyone but especially him. My winter blues cannot stand him. Yet…like where…the fuck…is he?! It’s not like I don’t explain this season to him. It’s my season of darkness. I am a daughter of Spring and a woman of Summer….in those two seasons I can handle almost anything. But in Autumn and Winter…I am tired (sometimes from doing nothing), just getting myself up and ready can become a challenge, and I’m drowning in a familiar pool of sorrows with some new twists. And after all these years…he still doesn’t get it. These are the seasons I need him to carry us. I need him to be a voice of reason. I need patience. I need understanding. These things are required from everyone in my life. I often times have to apologize for not being able to show up for people as swiftly as I would like during this season. Sometimes I just need solitude so a lot of unanswered calls occur. I am just trying to put one foot before the other every day without bursting into tears. Yes our Autumn of misunderstandings have arrived and it would be impressive if we didn’t let it destroy us…just one fucking time! So I emerge with hope in my heart…trying to fight that familiar feeling. ~KJM on Charm School Monday. Are any of you winter blues sufferers? Or in the midst of some sort of depression? How are you handling it? My Daddy doesn’t get it but when I say I’m feeling extra emotional…he just smiles and gives me hugs. ❤️
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