Happy Singles Awareness Day: 10 Things I Learned To Love About My Singleness

Finally! The SINGLES are emancipated! No more hiding in the shadows! It’s February 15!?? Couples won’t be popular again until Thanksgiving and Spring is on its way! Perfect time to say….SINGLES RULE! ?? Now because I do believe in marriage…but am not sure if it’s the thing for me…there’s only SINGLE and MARRIED in my book! Dating is just dating! ? I have felt that way since I started dating Julio when I was 15 years old. Here I am now at 35 and not much shit has changed. If I don’t have a ring AND a deep commitment…you are just my current chapter. Julio and the Ex Factor are my longest chapters….though Julio and I were in a real relationship during our 10 years on and off. When I was with Julio, I was in a huge self exploration phrase so it just seemed like I couldn’t stand still with one person or in one state! Lol. Even with being as assertive and proud of my singleness as I am…I have to admit that Thanksgiving through Valentine’s Day is fucking hard! It’s no easy task to stay secure in yourself while the world and Hallmark keeps selling love during that season! Plus it’s Winter and I’m already grumpy! Not easy at all but SINGLES we made it! To celebrate today, I’m going to count down the top 10 things I’ve grown to love about my singleness! 10. MARRIED FOLKS DO NOT HAVE IT EASY! For every person sad that they are single….there’s like three marriages falling apart! ? Now I don’t have that down to exact statistics but I’m giving my singles a graphic picture of why shit is hard if you choose wrong! Marriage takes so much work and many are not even half equipped for the journey! Long lasting relationships take more than all the “feels.” It’s more like you need to put your blood, sweat, and tears into that shit! And even if you do…it could still fall apart because it takes TWO! ?? So rest assured that if you are still single…you still have the opportunity to choose well but more importantly….the opportunity to choose a partner AFTER you have fallen completely in love with yourself! 9. I WOULD HAVE BEEN DIVORCED! I have said this time and time again…relationships have never been my thing! There were 3 times in my life I could have been married to three different men…but I knew myself all too well! I would be fucking divorced all three times! I wasn’t in love and while I respected two of the men…they deserved a woman who wanted to be their wife! No need to settle for my confused ass! ? Two out of the three are married…and for a very long time. So happy for them! ?? We all made the right choices for ourselves! No regrets! 8. I HAVE DEEP SEEDED COMMITMENT ISSUES! If you have been following the blog from the beginning…then you already know that there are certain things in my childhood that make me hesitant to choose any man! I know I whine a lot about the Ex Factor not committing to me but truth be told…I chose him for a reason! I can love…very confusingly…but I don’t have to give more of myself than I’m willing to. If he had committed to me (seriously)…before trust was broken…I don’t think our relationship would be much more different than it is now. I’m not trying to be his mama and I already got a Daddy! ✌?I imagine that we would check in with each other like we do now…and life would go on with its normal ups and downs. A serious commitment (a title with action to back it up) would have proved to me that he loved me and made it that there was no uncertainty between us. But he chose this route and since I seem to not be able to find a detour…I’m along for the ride…for how ever how long I can stand it! Lol. I rest well at night with the thought that if he never commits to me or I completely get turned off from the idea (dangerously close to that point)…it will be his regret..not mine! ✌?A man can find any woman…but a woman that loves him unconditionally and is willing to grow with him is hard!!! Or so my male friends tell me! Such is life! All I can do is work on me and enjoy life! And I damn sure plan to! 7. I AM NOT SURE THERE IS A “ONE!” I started writing to my BOAZ in September 2016 for many different reasons. Mainly to stay happy, open, and hopeful as I anchor my way in the dating world. For all I know…BOAZ is a man that will take me through certain phrases of my life. He may not be one great man but may be a combination of many. And I’m okay with that. 6. I CAN STILL FALL IN LOVE AGAIN! Falling in love with the Ex Factor was the BEST feeling ever!!! Just think…I’m going to get a chance to love even more deeply! ? I AM GOING TO LOVE AGAIN! ?? While the marrieds have to keep finding ways to fall in love with the same person over and over again…us singles have a shot at new love! Take that shot and be glad you have been given it!?? 5. I LOVE HAVING THE FREEDOM TO TRAVEL! Being single means…I never have to check in with anyone when I book a trip. For example, I randomly had a week off from work in July. On the MONDAY, I booked a trip to fly to Chicago on the TUESDAY! I text the Ex Factor from the airport and FaceTime him once when I was out there. My money and my time…I do as I fucking please and that kind of freedom is priceless! 4. ALL OF MY TIME IS FOR ME! Similar to traveling when I want to…I plan each day based on myself! ?? Hmmm…what’s going to make me happy today? Whatever it is…I get right to it! Don’t have to divide my time with a man. It’s just me and my career. And we definitely FLEX! ?? 3. I HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY SEXY! ?? Once you are a mother and/or wife, society wants us women to wear a brown paper bag over our heads and hide our bodies! No way! I totally disagree with this stigma for my wife and mommy friends! But society judges them so hard anyways! I, on the other hand, am SINGLE so society cannot tell me to go hide! I’m in this bitch!?? And I define what I should wear. I exude confidence…even though I’m seen as “a woman of a certain age.” They want me to hide too because I’m 35 and not married with children! ? Well…guess the fuck what?! I’m here and I won’t hide! I won’t excuse myself or talk myself out of “a seat at my own damn table!” No way! I’m 35, SINGLE, and confident…so deal with it! 2. HEARTBREAK WILL NOT LAST FOREVER! As a SINGLE person, heartbreak is still inevitable! Either for the relationships that didn’t pan out or the loss from ones that we have yet to get over! But as I said in number 6, we still have the ability to fall in love again as long as we are open and are loving ourselves through all the hurt and pain! All is not lost forever! It’s not our wives/husbands who take us for granted…it’s our girlfriends/boyfriends/situationships! WE CAN AND WE WILL LOVE AGAIN! 1. SELF LOVE! We have been blessed with this time of self exploration! Sure we have been given more trial and error time than most folks around us but that’s not a bad thing. Every year I learn something new about myself that I did not know before. The newness of each stages of our lives can sometimes threaten the relationships we have…especially marriages…if there is not safe space to grow and learn that is filled with patience and understanding! In our singleness…it’s just ourselves that we have to be patient with! Just us! ? So we can grow easily and be at peace with the new level we reached in our lives! We won’t have to apologize to anyone…that we have changed and that we love our change! WE ARE UNAPOLOGETICALLY SINGLE! ?? ~KJM on Hump Day ?