I have been on one this past weekend! Just a hot damn mess…so I felt it was a good time to write you guys. As a Gemini, my mind can change so often…not because I’m flaky but because my sign can feel two emotions equally at the same time…with one taking over almost every other hour. Lol. Well maybe not quite that frequently but some days it just be like that! ?As the Ex Factor is trying to make things better between us (little by little)…I start to lose my damn mind! I don’t fully trust him with my thoughts. It takes a long while to regain a Gemini’s trust. Some weeks I’m so done and other weeks I’m ready to hang in there. Our situationship is definitely complicated but none more complicated than the thoughts that fly through my mind. Yesterday I kind of snapped! No…I fucking snapped! ? Nothing new had occurred to cause me to go over the edge…I just happened to have too much fucking time to think! Didn’t help that half of Facebook got engaged this weekend! ? While me and my childlike behaviors are no where ready for marriage…I still felt kind of left behind as folks were celebrating their “love” publicly! And here I am in love with Mister Emotionless! ? Anyways, I made several phone calls to folks I trust. Nicole was unavailable and my brother was out…so I considered myself lucky to have gotten Grace! ?? These are really the only three people I feel comfortable discussing the Ex Factor with…because they get my personality! ?? You have to know how to get inside a mad man/woman’s mind to truly be able to guide them. You cannot guide me by using the common standards of most women. I am not like most women! My freedom is everything to me and even though I love…I do have a deep fear of commitment. The Ex Factor and I are alike in many ways. ? Grace got me just right…not by giving me advice but by helping me to acknowledge some of my messed up actions and giving me the courage to correct them! ?? I AM ONLY HUMAN! I will doubt and I will fail but my ass sure will get back up! That’s why I keep my tiny village near! ? Now on to the hot mess that followed. I got off the phone with Grace and called back my friend, Tabitha, who had called me twice yesterday! I avoid discussing my situation with Tabitha because it’s really the blind leading the blind in this friendship. Tabitha was dating an older man with similar commitment issues like the Ex Factor and I. She left him and I respect her decision…though I know she cares deeply for him and misses him. Just like Grace challenges me…I try to challenge Tabitha! ? Being in our own minds all the time is dangerous! Always listening to other people is dangerous too! Got to find a balance in there though because no man can be an island! Last night Tabitha dropped some generalized “truths” on me about men in relationships…especially black men! ? Now I believe she’s really doing what’s best for her and that she truly believes the following myths (as I call them). 3. MEN ONLY MARRY WOMEN THEY RESPECT! Um really because I know lots of married hoes (no better word for them) who were hoes before they got married and their men still married them knowing they cheat! I know dudes who paid for the flights and bus tickets for their women to see their side pieces. Now maybe they didn’t always know this is what their woman was doing but deep down inside…some knew. They just didn’t want to lose her! So Tabitha, why them hoes married? And attract better men than I do? Cause none of my men loved me enough to support that kind of madness!!!! On to the next myth. 2. MEN ALWAYS KNOW WHO THEY WANT TO MARRY! I have heard this mess time and time again! The premise is that if you have been with him for years and he ain’t committing then he never will! I have an uncle (let’s call him Uncle No No) who was with his girlfriend for over 10 years and did not marry her. They broke up and he married shortly after to Auntie No No! Just some random needy bitch he met somewhere. He was convinced she was the one but the rest of us could have told him that he was on the rebound and was marrying the rebound woman! Uncle No No was suffering from a broken heart! Well him and Auntie No No did not last and guess who is back with the love of his life?! Uncle No No! Ladies, stop thinking that because a man marries a woman…she’s the one! Men do shit for so many random reasons. There is no set book (sorry Steve Harvey) that can tell you what’s right or wrong for you and your man! My Uncle, in my opinion, didn’t marry the love of his life because he felt she didn’t need him and that caused lots of insecurities! Auntie No No had about 8 million problems and needed my uncle…until she didn’t! Moral of the story…sometimes who he marries is the one and sometimes she is the place filler! Every man views marriage differently and not all hold it as a high institution. On a break, the love of my uncle’s life had a baby with some random guy. We later found this out. So he married Auntie No No out of heartbreak. He proved a point for about a second and then broke his own heart all over again. True love will always find a way though. He’s back with his love and helping to raise her son…who she named after him long ago! ?? 1. WOMEN UNDERSTAND MEN! Don’t ever kid yourself! The only person who knows why a man does what he does is that man! Another man may have an idea but men are such random, egotistical, and easily hurt creatures that no person nor book is going to sum them up! That’s why getting advice from your girlfriends is usually a bad damn idea! I love to speak with folks who don’t issue advice…they just let me get out what I need to…to get to a peaceful place…to make the best decision I can. I truly believe Tabitha is making the best decision for herself. And I get why she is guarding her heart! I’m terrified too! Always feeling like I’m fighting a losing battle! But love was never suppose to be easy nor like some damn fairytale! And I hear marriage is NOT for the weak! Better get your boxing gloves out and get ready to fight! So I’m challenging Tabitha to follow her heart and not some books and podcasts! If a woman does this then a man will do that…is a losing equation at best and a dangerous game at worst! ?? “Above all else, guard your heart” but please do not sabotage your own happiness in the process! ~KJM on Charming Monday! ? Stay tuned for today’s “Say it loud! I am black and I am proud!” ??
Thank you so much! Means a lot to me?