It is the beginning of Love Week 2019 and I had an idea. Really the idea came to me last week but I convinced myself that it was too soon for me to open up myself and be vulnerable with you all once again. So I scratched the idea and kept on with my life. Only…this morning, I awoke…feeling the need to share….almost a decade of failed love. My main focus was going to be around my lipstick colors and how I matched them with certain years of….oh yea….my failed love life but then I realized that from 2010-2015, I hardly wore lipsticks except a gold tone one and an occasional splash of Wet N’ Wild’s “Vamp It Up” when I wanted to be bold. I think that color is now discontinued…much like my love life. Lol. But I digress. One thing that had drastically changed from all the years that I was in love with the Ex Factor (2010-2019) was my style….from the crazy blue/green eyeshadow phase that seemed never ending ??♀️ matched with bland or gold lips, various hair style changes, the resurgence of my love for traveling, and just me getting to know myself even deeper through every failed year. Most writers probably shy away from writing about what they failed at but not me! Fml. I just put it all out there when I am ready (of course). So here I am…reliving a year…2010 to be exact. It was the happiest I had ever been with any man. I fell so unexpectedly and so deeply on a sun shower day under the Tappan Zee Bridge. Whether it was overcast or sunshine, I felt safe and secure. I felt like he heard me…like he understood me. And even though adulthood was kicking my ass…he was holding my hands through it. I had ALLOWED him to hold my hands through it. 2010 was such an unexpected year. I never meant to fall in love. Never thought it was possible for me to fall so deeply. I fell…I bumped my head…I had anxiety about how two unlikely people would make it as a couple. Even though all the signs were there…that he was not ready and I was not the one…I took the risk and in those rain drops I let him hold my hand and guide me through the storm. Through the ups and downs, I held on tightly. My heart just could not let go. Though I will always wonder…had I been strong enough to let go Labor Day weekend 2010….maybe I would have experienced true love by now? ~KJM on Serenity Sunday. I am hoping I have the time, patience, and understanding to complete each chapter and drop them throughout the week. If I don’t finish…please don’t be upset with me. I am transitioning in my life and that is a terribly hard thing to do while being vulnerable publicly with my thoughts and heartache. One love ❤️ FYI I have already gathered pictures of myself from each year so be sure to check them out with each post.
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