We’ve all been there. In a relationship that didn’t work and may even have brought us deep pain but also at times brought us pure joy. I know I made the right decision with moving forward because I could not lie to myself…that it was ok to be put on hold. I could no longer tell myself that it was natural to be his after thought. I could no longer allow myself to not be his priority. But even with moving forward, there are things I’m terrified that I will not be able to do now that I’ve let him go. Going to count down as if I’m talking directly to the ex factor.
7. I’m afraid I will not be able to have quiet time with someone I care about. Meaning to be silent with the one I love but our quality time together means something. Just one look and you get me.
6. I’m afraid I won’t have a special place that I share with someone I love. That place that no matter the tension and arguments, once there, we somehow learn how to love and be there for one another.
5. I’m afraid that no other man will know exactly how to set up my bath/hot tub with candles. You watched me do it once and you nailed it. I loved stepping into the hot tub knowing you know my water temperature and know exactly where to place the towels so we are both comfortable. I loved talking about our day by candlelight.
4. I’m terrified that no other man will remember that he can’t leave the tv on something scary or intense like the news when we are going to bed because I periodically wake up throughout the night and just want to see something happy on tv.
3. I’m scared that I may never go on a date anticipating every moment because I’m truly with the man I love the most. My heart skipped a beat for years while dating you. Even in the difficult times, my heart was always so open to you.
2. I’m afraid I will never make love to a man again. After making love for 5 years, I cringe at the thought of just getting into bed with a man purely for sexual pleasure. I cringe at some man touching me and not understanding how to entice me and tap into my love language. While our sex life greatly suffered the last 4 months of our dating….the power struggles and disconnection were ruining us…you were the first man I’ve actually made love to. I can separate love and sex easily but with you, when things were great, I had the best of both worlds.
And 1. I’m terrified I will never fall in love again…especially as deeply and intensely. These are my fears. I pray my future special someone can make me feel so safe and secure and that I receive all these things plus all the wonderful things you could never give me. I’m scared but still I move forward. I move forward with hopes of a greater love. I’m going to use my fear to drive me to the love I so deserve.
~KJM on Temptation Tuesday (saying to my readers….let those of us with broken hearts all learn to fall in love all over again with someone new and great).