Seduction. Passion. My love. He was 20 years old and I was 29. We met indirectly through our sisters one summer. It was suppose to just be a summer romance. My first love,Julio, was still in my life and Phoenix, my long term side piece and friend, was on the scene. Yet there was something about the ex factor that made him stand out. I was in a huge transformation with my career and family life. This time period was the lowest in my life. I was in financial ruins and situationally depressed. Here cums the ex factor! I never expected it to last for more than a summer and I never thought I would sleep with him. He was just a boy and I was a woman. Somehow he found a way to be there for me in a way Julio and Phoenix couldn’t. And so I fell in love…somewhere in between our first kiss, seventh date, and way before we ever had sex. I’ve written so much about how I loved him and how he hurt me. This will not be one of those posts. I want to share the passion with you. The passion…I remember like it was yesterday. It was a very hot summer night in 2010. We were cuddling and overlooking the Tappan Zee bridge in New York. He was so caring then. Arms around me…giving me that fake security. Up until this point, I had barely let him touch me. So far, I can only fall in love before sex. There may be a man that’s an exception to that rule but so far my two loves (Julio and the ex factor) followed that formula. The ex factor took my hand on a warm summer day, once again overlooking the Tappan Zee bridge, but this time, he was protecting me from sun showers. I fell hard! Now back to this hot steamy night. Some details I have to leave out to protect the innocent but see if you can follow where I’m going…where we were going. We made love in the midst of the elements. I could barely breathe. Instantly intoxicated with love and passion…I seduced him. Before you judge me…I…never…meant…for…any…of…it…to…happen. I didn’t even realize that I was already in love. Three and a half months later when the reality of this unorthodox relationship stepped in…that’s when I figured out that it was that day with the sun showers that I fell in love. Had I realized I was in love…I would never have slept with him. You see I can separate love and sex easily. Most of my dating life was filled with sex…not making love. I could walk away from each of them like they never tasted me and I never breathed them. But you can’t do that with real lovemaking. The ex factor had taken my heart hostage and my body followed. We hungrily enticed each other…out in the elements not too far from the Tappan Zee. I don’t think I had ever made love like this. At times it was slow and romantic. Then our rhythm would pick up the pace and our sex became rough and thrilling. So rough that when we were done…I had lost a chunk of my left knee! That’s right…our first time left me bleeding and scarred. Scarred so bad that the ex factor will always be a part of me figuratively and literally! I still have the dark brown scar on my left knee. I hope Elijah doesn’t read this…I’ve a feeling he will never kiss my left knee. Lol. I now understand what BeyoncĂ© meant when she said she was “Drunk In Love.” I didn’t even need liquor to feel that inebriated. Just the ex factor’s dick, lust, and an open heart…my open heart. Some days I really miss him but other days I remind myself that the season for the ex factor has ended. But before we go…baby you took my heart and body through leaps and bounds. I taste you, breathe you, and lust after you sometimes in my dreams. When I awake, however, I feel numb. Winter has come and our love no longer bares fruit. Thank you though. I will forever know what it feels like to eat forbidden fruit. ~KJM reminiscing about the lovemaking on Throwback Thursday!
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