I felt my spirit leave my body several times. I didn’t even know the body could do that while being alive. Was I alive? It felt like a death. I was overlooking my own body as he smiled and held out his hand. How did I get here? It wasn’t because I didn’t love myself. Lord knows you can make a wrong turn even if you love yourself. Yet I was watching myself die while I convinced myself and my loved ones that I had to go with him. And he smiled on…offering me things I had never received from someone else before. They weren’t things I couldn’t provide for myself (love, security, money) but they were things I felt I had been robbed of in my last situationship. So my spirit floated over my body and I felt like I was going. Still I smiled on and ignored my previous heartache. It felt good to be wanted, needed, and worshiped. I should have known that anyone God sent would only be worshiping God…not another human being. Silent at times…I did not know how to get out. I couldn’t scream…after all he was giving me the promise of being loved. Needed to catch my breath but when I was with him…he hardly left me alone. I went everywhere with him. We went to sleep together and I awoke with this deep feeling of emptiness. Oh the emptiness. It was that feeling that let me know what I had done…I had sold my soul to a living devil. I had lost hold of me. Trapped…I felt trapped yet I smiled for everyone because my life was now filled with worldly goods. Mutual friends and associates that knew him hinted that some things were off. Yet I ignored the signs because my broken heart and my spirit were both now floating over my body. How do I get them to rejoin my body? How do I become whole again? I’m floating…I’m going…I’m dying inside. Was the abandonment I felt with my love (the Ex Factor) so bad that it gotten me here? Why didn’t I just talk to the Ex Factor about how was I feeling?! I ran because I always run…and the devil caught me. Trapped so trapped and when God saw me slipping…He said it wasn’t my time to go and He sent protection for me. It was at that moment that I saw my chance to run away from danger. And I bolted. Lost parts of me on the journey and now my heart was aching but my spirit, mind, body, and heart were all joined again. The pain was too much to bare as I stayed awake nights I should have been sleeping. I was safe now. On my own again. I could take that breath now. I could free myself from the memories but the guilt followed me for years. The guilt of selling my soul…the guilt of not seeing the danger…the guilt of not protecting my mind, body, and soul…it haunted me. What if God had not come for me? Where would I be now? No one and nothing is worth selling your soul…intentionally nor accidentally. So I took another breath and I started to rebuild my life. It was just a few months spent with the devil but I’m forever haunted by the fact that I could have lost my life. Jesus thank you for truly being a fence! ~KJM on settling with Mr. Toss Salad and experiencing some of my darkest hours before I got out. This is one of the greatest Charm School lessons I have to share with you. Not everything that glitters is truly gold!????
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