This week I have had you guys knee deep in Sperm talk. Lol. Time to switch paces for a minute. As always, I like to check in and let you guys know how my situationship with the Ex Factor is going. It’s still pretty terrible. I find myself dreading the little time we do spend together and feeling bad about feeling that way. I am so DISINTERESTED in him it’s not even funny. Sex is still off and even worse, I’m pretty sure I’m no longer in love. That shit made me so emotional the other day because it’s like the end of an era. What next? I’m hoping to bump into my next ex boyfriend soon! Lol. Now hear me out…I’m usually a runner…running from emotions. This phase (if that’s what I’m in) is so different. If the Ex Factor never touched me again, I would be okay. I have heard (from mostly married or divorced women) that there comes a time when every thing about a man can make you sick. And trust me…I feel bad saying this. But you reap what you sow? He couldn’t have thought his pretty looks could continue to get him far with me. Matter fact, I think this cycle of being turned off by him started in September 2015 when I left him to date Elijah. It’s like he’s a parasite that sucks the life out of me. I feel this way even when he’s laying next to me. The other night, I couldn’t wait for him to exit my place. He would be pissed if he read this but come on dude I’ve been telling you for years that I’m not happy. What I did not know is how that unhappiness could make me feel disgusted by him. In his defense, he’s young and still trying to find himself. Plus I’ve made things so easy for him. He hasn’t had to work for shit with me. And as a result, I resent him. So what are we doing? He’s still enjoying sex he doesn’t have to work for (once a month) and I’m bored as fuck staring at the mailman like what’s up? I hear you deliver on time! lol. I feel so bad writing this but it’s true. The Ex Factor and I are still kicking it because we are both COMFORTABLE. It’s the boredom (on my part) I did not count on. I’ve communicated these things but he is who he is. He’s not going to change. But I am. My metamorphosis started in September 2015. Never thought there would be a day I wasn’t happy to see him or a day when I couldn’t wait to be free of him! ?I suggested we have sex more frequently but I’m pretty sure that’s not going to help. Sex has never connected me to any man but Crazy. After being dick sprung once, I grew up and never got sprung again. Sex, especially when done wrong, actually distances me more from my partner. It did for Julio and I. When sex leaves…what is left in an already loveless situation? Shit. Just waiting for someone better but the male market….especially in my age group is difficult. Most men got kids by age 21 or been married or are still married by the time they are 36. I don’t want to deal with baby mama drama nor Ex wives that may not have let go! ✌?I want a man with as less baggage as can be. Don’t want my stock to go down. And I’m not coming with all that drama either! I do have emotional baggage but who doesn’t? Plus I want my next relationship to be very selfish and all about US as a couple! That’s hard with child support and alimony luring. ? While I meet men daily, I’m aiming really high this time. A good resume isn’t enough. Good looks isn’t enough! Must be God fearing and relationship oriented! No more dating Mister Narcissist or Mister Emotionally Unavailable! Been there…done that! I’m exhausted from me and Mister Wrong having something going on! ?? Even with all I’ve said, I’m not just going to go with any man. I have been SINGLE my entire life. To give that title up, he has to be someone special. And I am fucking worth it! ?? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday. I remember the days seeing his texts excited me and our sex was the envy of many. Now I’m like a hot fudge sundae and a good book at night is way more exciting! ?
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