It’s Temptation Tuesday and here at Kingston Expressions, I get tempted to be really ignorant on these Tuesdays! Welp…today is no different! Get your pen and pad ready because we are heading to “What The Fuck?” land. ? Many times, I feel like we singles have it so bad in dealing with the current state of dating but every now and then I read some shit from a wife that stops me dead in my tracks! Recently, I read an Essence advice column where a wife was seeking advice. She was on her second marriage (two kids from the previous marriage and two kids from the current marriage), her current husband cheated for years with the children’s nanny, got caught, claimed to stop the affair if his wife got freakier in bed, and then….wait for it….continued cheating with the ex nanny and now wanted the wife and the ex nanny to have a threesome! He wanted them all to be a family so that he could have the wife he desired and the sex he desired too! Did you just follow that fucking mess?! Like are these real people?! Why is she even writing in for advice? She’s in hell in a hand basket and she’s not even driving herself!!!! Her husband is leading her! I’m pretty sure this is not what the Good Lord meant by letting your husband be king! Unless it’s king dirty ding a ling! I mean I don’t know much about this topic…but this is MARRIAGE we are talking about?! My single’s eyes were red with fire as I read each disgusting word! The Essence advice columnist basically told her to RUN because she was in an abusive relationship! She recommended the wife get a good lawyer, family therapist for her and her children, and a good family member/friend to help her move out of her situation! I’m still clutching my imaginary pearls in disbelief! This is a WIFE’s story?! I’m mortified for her. What was even more scary was she was writing in because she took her “vows” seriously and didn’t want to be divorced twice! Now I can’t speak on the marriage vows part (though I believe she misinterpreted them…don’t think they include a husband pimping his wife out ??) but I will speak on what I felt was secretly rearing its head in that cry for help letter…the case of the ride or die syndrome! I’ve heard it time and time again from wives and girlfriends…the I must hold him down through thick and thin…even if he’s burying my ass speech! Now I’m not the best with sticking with a man when things get hard (hence why I’m not married)…I AM STILL MY MAIN FOCUS! But there are certain things that we women put up with that hurt me to my core and make me wonder….what the fuck were they thinking?! Here are 5 Ride Or Die Claims that hurt my soul and are really signs of being in a toxic/abusive relationship: 5. SUPPORTING YOUR MAN’S LIFE OF CRIME/DOING TIME FOR HIM! Now this isn’t an episode of “Empire!” There are real life women who weren’t into a life of crime but met a man (who claimed to love them) and that same “loving” man introduced them to crime. There are women in prison right now doing life in prison for their men! Baby girl, while you riding for him…who is riding for you?!?? 4. HAVING THREESOMES/FOURSOMES/GANG BANG PARTIES TO KEEP A MAN! If you naturally into freaky shit with multiple partners during one sexual occurrence…power to you! But to let a boyfriend or husband force you into that life?! That’s modern day sex slavery whether you get paid for your services or not! I started to see this behavior in college…girls doing anything to keep an athlete or fraternity guy!? Now the only person that’s suppose to be clocking your pussy mileage is you…but baby girl if you letting him pimp you out…what will be left of you when he’s done?! ?? 3. DOING A PRISON “BID” WITH A MAN LOCKED UP! Now let me tread lightly on this one…fuck it…I’m gonna go there! Unless your man is in prison on some “Nelson Mandela” shit aka fighting racial oppression…I’m not understanding why a woman would dedicate her life fully to a man doing life in prison or on death row! Now I know some of y’all don’t mind doing 5 to 7 and saving yourselves for this man in prison but answer me this…if the shoe was on the other foot…would he wait for you?! ?? 2. WORKING AND RAISING CHILDREN BY YOURSELF WHEN THERE IS A GROWN ABLED BODIED MAN IN THE HOUSE THAT DOES NOT HELP WITH THE KIDS NOR THE BILLS?! Now this one is truly puzzling! If you have to do everything anyways…why call yourself having a man?! What is his purpose in life? To provide dick?! Last I checked, dick does not pay rent, car notes, nor put food on the table. Not to mention by supporting that dead beat man the way you do…you have now given birth to another child…and a grown one at that! This is just a mess. I’m not sure where you went wrong but you need to back track ASAP and get yourself right! In my culture…if a man don’t work…he doesn’t eat! Kingston women, in particular, are notorious for not taking care of their men like they are children! Trust me I know….I was raised by the Kingston Queen herself…MAMA MICHAELS! And that shit works! Papa Michaels is as self sufficient as they come! He provided financially AND helped raise us kids! Some of y’all chicks just playing. If you got to go through life alone…you might as well be ALONE!?? 1. MAKING EXCUSES WHEN HE REPEATEDLY CHEATS AND ALWAYS TAKING HIM BACK! I’ve seen women make a million excuses for a habitual cheater. He had mama issues. He has stressful baby mama drama. He wasn’t raised with love in his life. He just needs to mature some more. And the list goes on and on. Well damn…aren’t there a lot of men who also had a terrible upbringing but are still great faithful husbands?! Some of you ladies make excuses for them because y’all somehow think your love can cure it all! Girl bye! Some folks still broken because they want to be AND because some of us aid and abet their behavior. I’m not riding for any man that is risking my life on a daily basis!✌?️ Time for these boys to grow the fuck up…and the girls in grown women bodies who are accepting this behavior…need a class in maturity too! ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday saying learn the difference between standing by someone who is worth it and standing by someone whose only goal is to deplete your mind, body, and spirit!??
There is plenty that a wife may ride or die but why die? I get the whole hold your man down and hold your family down. That is a given. No woman or man is going into a relationship to not be super supportive but no where in the vows did it say be super stupid. I am all for even working things out past an affair. Maybe not me personally but I can see where people attempt to stick it out but when the affair becomes a lifestyle meaning its not one and done than no. Anything and for me personally that puts my sexual health in jeopardy and can take me away from my kids is a NO for me. Respect is earned not given and there is no way in the world I would co-sign and do a bid for a person. Marriage is or should be about respect. Any actions that questions that needs to stop. Ride or die is about being loyal but not being stupid and not allowing another person to walk over you. Traditional marriage allows for the respect line to be there and if the person is handling their part you dont have a problem handling yours
It’s always nice to get the wife prospective Toi!? I know that life long partnership takes work through the ups and downs but when I read some of these articles….I’m like this can’t be real! I expect that marriage should not be about these kind of dangerous games! It’s cool to ride for a good man but if he’s a good man…he will be riding for you too! I haven’t met my future life partner yet but I sure hope that we won’t have to deal with these levels of disrespect! KJM