The Men We Wish We Never Slept With (The Nightmare On Elm Street Edition)

Sex! Sounds like a great idea until you finally fuck someone you wished you never slept with. To all my young/inexperienced readers beware who you take to bed. One morning you could wake up to Freddie Krueger and not know how you got there. FUCK a walk of shame…if one of these dudes are now your baby’s father…get ready for a life of shame! ? Here are 10 Guys We Wished We Never Fucked!

10. THE GUY WHO TAKES THE CONDOM OFF/NEVER WANTS TO WEAR A CONDOM! Ladies, you should always run from this type of guy! When I was young or not thinking straight, I encountered two guys who took the condom off during sex! What a huge violation especially when you find out after he’s climaxed. First time it happened I was in college! I got so freaked out that I immediately had 80 million tests done. Only good thing about this scary incident was from that point on every time I got my annual Pap smear, I had my GYN run every test known to man. I think it’s made me more sexually aware. Had it not been for that encounter, I would probably be walking around taking intentional risks with my life like some of these fools out here. A man that doesn’t want to wear a condom when you insist…does not respect you. So run! He’s not Prince Charming…he’s FREDDIE KRUEGER from NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET!

9. THE MAMA’S BOY! Now ladies, it’s important to find a man who loves his mother and respects the other women in his family but a mama’s boy is on a whole other level! Nothing you do will most likely ever please mama and your man for that matter! Mama warms up that breast milk just right…in a way you can’t! This man is NOT Prince Charming…he’s actually NORMAN BATES from PSYCHO!

8. THE MAN WHO CALLS EVERY WOMAN A BITCH, HOE, OR CRAZY! Now are there bitches, hoes, and crazy women?! Certainly! But a real gentleman let’s the thing speak for itself. If his ex was a bitch, guess who is the next bitch?! YOU! I can’t repeat that enough! This type of man will never treat you with respect. In the beginning, he may try to be sweet but the minute you see his true colors run! You haven’t found Prince Charming…you are actually rolling with JACK TORRANCE from THE SHINING!✌

7. THE ABUSIVE MAN! Whether it’s verbally, emotionally, and/or physically…the abusive man always leaves a bad taste in our mouths! Generally, he’s the hardest to get rid of. Don’t allow a man to mistreat you. Often times this type of man woos you and then he begins to get controlling. When you see the warning signs….don’t walk…run! You are not dating Prince Charming! It’s really JASON VOORHEES from FRIDAY THE 13TH chilling in your back yard?

6. THE I HAVE A MILLION KIDS I DON’T TAKE CARE OF MAN! When will some of you women learn? If he doesn’t take care of her kids…he ain’t gonna take care of yours! I don’t care how he describes his baby’s mother…a real man will always be there for his kids even if he has to go to court to fight for his rights. This man is irresponsible and even worse…if he has multiple baby mothers…he clearly doesn’t believe in wearing condoms! Yuck! From her pussy to yours and from her womb to yours! Run girl run! This ain’t Prince Charming…it’s MIKE MYERS from HALLOWEEN!

5. THE IN THE CLOSET MAN! Most women, whether we knew it or not, have slept with a gay man. While I support the LGBTQ community, I personally do not want to sleep with a gay and/or bisexual man. I believe potential partners should disclose their sexual orientation…amongst other things. When we miss the warning signs…we sometimes find out that we have been in bed with CHRISTINE! Grab your coat and forget your shoes….”Molly, you in danger girl!”

4. THE EMOTIONALLY DEAD MAN! I can’t stress this enough…if you see this man…bolt! No matter how much love and affection you give him…he will never be able to say nor show that he loves you. I’m not even sure if this man loves himself! Maybe he has mommy issues or has been hurt in past relationships…either way it’s no excuse for the way he treats us. He’s emotionally dead/numb and you can’t resuscitate him! Give up girl…you are not dating Prince Charming…you are dating THE MUMMY!

3. THE CHEATER! We have all dated that man who couldn’t keep it in his pants. He’s slept with some of our friends and even…family! Ugh. He’s touched pretty much every woman within a 50 mile radius. This man can manifest himself as the man with a million kids and/or the man who doesn’t wear condoms. What a piece of filth he is! If you ever run into this scumbag…you are not dating Prince Charming…you are dating CHUCKY from CHILD’S PLAY! Looks like someone you should play with but in actuality…you need to bolt!

2. THE PENNY PINCHER! Every woman has dated a man that complains about buying a 99 cent hamburger at McDonald’s and then after spending one dollar…demands his penny back from the cashier! Fuck! This jerk off will at first appear to be fiscally responsible but after months of dating him….you will find out that he’s still billing his mama for all the times she didn’t cook him a meal during his childhood. You can’t build a life with this kind of man. Worst of it all…when you want to enjoy some of the finer things in life… like a Colt 45 beer…you will have to pay for it…for both of you! Run Forest Run! You aren’t dating Prince Charming…you actually fell for that bloodsucker….DRACULA! ?

1. THE SOCIALLY AWKWARD/SERIAL KILLER MAN! You ever date a guy that his resume seems perfect but every time you are with him…your gut is telling you something is off. He seems nice enough but things he says and do are just freaky. Some times…you find out he’s hiding an addiction or…that he has bodies buried in your backyard! There’s a saying that “if it’s too good to be true…it probably is!” This man can embody any of the men on this list and more. Instincts tell me to never fall asleep next to my seemingly perfect man. Trust your gut and get the fuck out of there…this man is far from Prince Charming! You’ve really been cuddled up with HANNIBAL LECTER from THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS! ~KJM saying I hope you are scared shitless out of your mind and watch who you invite to bed! Happy Throwback Thursday aka WISH I NEVER FUCKED YOU THURSDAY!