Happy Hump Day! I know it’s been a while since I have covered this topic but as the end of the year is quickly approaching…the threat is imminent! ? We cannot risk taking these men with us into 2018. Instead of comparing them to a scary movie villain…I am just going to call a spade a spade in this blog. Every woman has a list of men or maybe just one man they wished they never slept with. ?? But can we really erase the experience?! You bet your fucking bottom dollar! ? Close your eyes and when you reopen them your exes and/or ex lovers will be banished to a deserted island as castaways! ? No one will go and rescue them! And as a reward for sending them there, you receive an imaginary coupon for a mental vaginal rejuvenation that erases the faint memory of these losers! ?? Props to Brandi Glanville for giving us this idea! Lol. Now get in your favorite Kegel position as you read the new list of top 10 men we wished we never slept with! Here are our top 10 Castaways: 10. HE MAY BE GAY BUT WHAT THE HEY? Believe it or not most women have slept with a gay or bi sexual man (generally unbeknownst to them). These men usually wine and dine women…making us feel like queens while hiding their sexuality. He is going to say and do all the right things because he needs us as his BEARD! ? Even if his sexuality was never confirmed nor denied…doubts probably lingered in your mind. I mean I’ve heard some crazy stories of guys shoving sex toys up their asses during sex with a woman and without discussing it with her first!!! ??? Now I’m not saying that makes a man gay but I am saying this makes his behavior questionable! While I support the gay community, this man is being banished to the Castaway island because we are simply not what he is looking for! Ain’t nobody got time for it! ✌? 9. MISTER MIXED MESSAGES! One day he is all about your relationship and the next…he’s terrified of having feelings for you! This boy flip flops so fucking much that you have no clue whether he’s cuming or going! This fool is being banished to the Castaway island for his indecisiveness! ✌? Hand that pussy over to a real man that wants to put in the work 24/7 and is sure about how he feels about you! 8. MISTER DID WE EVEN HAVE SEX? Now some of us have had weird sexual experiences where we aren’t even sure if we had sex! I once went to sit on a guy’s penis and it deflated before it could go in! Seems more like a car crash to me than a sexual experience but hey…what do I know? ? This man is being banished to the Castaway island even though we aren’t sure if he counts as a sexual partner! I mean we know he’s out there counting us but should we be counting him?! Banished! And set him up with his own vaginal rejuvenation for confusing us! Ouch! ✌?7. MISTER WON’T EAT THE BOX! Now I’m not big on oral (giving nor receiving) but I am a team player! Eating the box…if you want your lower parts to be tended to…is a fucking requirement especially since most women do not orgasm every time during sex! At least bless her spot you jerk and warm up her car before you try to drive it! This inconsiderate fool is banished not only to the Castaway island of exes but shall live a life of solitary confinement on the island for his level of selfishness! ✌? 6. MISTER ALWAYS OUT THERE CHEATING! This nasty fuck (no pun intended) is a global health hazard! He never deserved all that good pussy we shared with him! Let him swing his dirty dick on the Castaway island of our exes and see where that gets him! ?✌? 5. MISTER ABUSIVE! Now there’s nothing funny about a man who is emotionally, mentally, physically, or financially abusive! This fool probably needs jail time! ✌? The Castaway island is perfect for him! 4. MISTER DOES NOT TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILDREN! Some woman out there was nice enough to carry your child and you dare not show up for them? Out of all of the exes you are the hardest to Castaway because her children may have your eyes or nose but like the rest of these jokers…you got to go! ✌? How will we explain the children you left behind? Well remember the time we told our young children that the stork supposedly drop them off when they were babies? That’s still our fucking story and we are sticking to it! Ya dead beat! ✌?✌?✌? 3. MISTER DON’T PAY ANY BILLS! Now this fool thinks his pretty looks and/or big dick is going to distract us from the lights getting cut off and Sprint disconnecting our phones as they remind us not to “reach out and touch someone” until we have all back payments in hand ? but it ain’t gonna work! To the Castaway island you go…but not before we change our locks and call up your mama for all the money you owe us! ✌? 2. MISTER TWO SECONDS! Well a Pap smear would have lasted longer! ???? Here we are saving up all of our good good for you and you can’t even hang! Now some men do have medical issues that affect their performance and we get that. As long as they sought professional help and are honest and open with us, we will be patient. But number 2 is not really about those men. It’s really about those lazy dick…limp penis men that only want to get theirs and leave us DRY! BANISHED to the Castaway island…also known as blue balls island to you! ✌? 1. MISTER EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE! Now I wish you would have made this clear when we first met you! Made what clear? That you are emotionally deficient, broken, and just a waste of fucking time! A man like you should never be on the dating market without a buyers beware sign!!! This fool is going to bait and switch us on every emotion he ever pretended to share. He won’t know his ass from his hole! But that’s okay because the less emotions he shares on the Castaway island of exes is the least he will be liked! He will probably be the first to be eaten! ✌?? Survival of the fittest! ?? BONUS: MISTER COCKY! This guy is just plain old annoying. This ex always thinks we want him when we are no longer attracted to him. ? He will serve as the entertainment on the Castaway island of exes…that is…to bore the hell out of the others because only he thinks highly of himself!? ✌?~KJM on Hump Day! ‘Tis the season to start anew! Grant yourself that mental (or physical if need be) vaginal rejuvenation and forgive yourself for ever sleeping with a fuck boy! ???
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