And even in moments when I felt like I’ve slipped away from us…I find myself yearning him. And so I began to grip the bed. I was finally holding on to the bars of the head board because of pleasure. I asked him to see me. Like to really see me. And just when I thought he wasn’t listening…I gripped the bed. He’s planting tiny kisses all over my body. And I am shaking. I cannot remember the last time he planted kisses. Yet I asked him to see me. Like really see me. Not to just be about his pleasure in these moments but to feel me and see me… It is only through acknowledging not only my sexual being but my intellect, my dreams, and my passions will he be able to hear me…hear me moan as moisture filled my body. Hear me validate his existence. Hear me call for him. Hear me wanting him…while watching my body tremble. I began to shake and moan…in a way I haven’t in so long. I…am…receiving him…I am tasting him…I am calling for him and only him. And yes I’m still griping the bed. Holding on for dear life. Each second of intensity…I grip tighter. Can’t let go of these bars…can’t let go of him….can’t let go of this moment…must live it out. Must touch it out. Must moan it out because like he sees me. He’s trying to understand me. Figure out my desires and let me know that my desires do matter…because tonight he won’t stop until he cums upon one of my pressure points. Oh the intensity of it all! I could not stop kissing him…I could not stop whispering sweet things in his ears. He hears me…he wants me…and I feel wanted. So I continue to grip the bed as my legs wrap around his neck…then the rest of his body. And I can tell he feels me shaking. I can tell he is receiving me. At the start of his climax…I let go the bars of the head board and I grab on to him. Because like…I want him to know that I see him…I taste him…I hear him…and I feel him. I’m calling his name and in a moment of ecstasy…his body answers. It had been two months for us…of waiting…I needed a moment to yearn him. I needed a moment to feel like myself. Even though I’m not married with children…stress of my careers, stress of not being where I want to be in life, stress of rejections I experienced in my first career, stress of not feeling wanted by him…and the weight gain I’ve put on over the years when the stress got too much to handle…it had all taken a toll on me. I…was in fact…part of the reason why I did not feel wanted…and only I could make myself feel welcomed and wanted in order to open the door for him to reconfirm what my inner spirit had already told me. So I spoke softly to myself….I AM BEAUTIFUL! I AM SEXY! I AM WORTHY IN EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE!?? Yass! Only I could tell myself these things! And I finally did!? It was that conversation with myself that gave me the strength to grip the bed and open up myself to him. And there I laid in his arms as if it was forever…our forever. Laughing and talking…in our natural state. Me without any makeup on…cuddling with my on and off again love of 6 years…the one man I feel at home with when I’m at my most imperfect…~KJM on Temptation Tuesday saying…that was the Ex Factor and I last night ?
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