The Case Of The Missing Balls

Well it’s Flashback Friday and I’ve decided to take you back to the first time you saw a pair of balls. I once dated a guy who had balls that could match the size of horse’s balls!? Coincidentally, it was also the first time I saw a gigantic penis. Fairly new to sex…I was both shocked and amazed that balls could be so huge. I thought…what to do with them?! I mean there’s no way to avoid them! Did they come with an instruction manual? Could no one have warned me that my first time with this guy I met in college was going to seem like a night at the NYC sex museum?! Having lost my virginity my Freshman year of college…I knew that sophomore year was never going to be the same now that I was face to face with BALLS! Do you remember your first encounter with them? Hmmm…that brings me to the case of the missing balls. I know a beautiful young lady named Stacey (who is also a mommy of two) that recently admitted to me that…in her entire sexual history she has never encountered…BALLS! I mean how the fuck is that possible? She says her man does have two of them (you know I had to ask because I’m fucking baffled) but she has never even had to touch them! What the fuck?! Babe, we gonna have to talk because there are women out there that never have to worry about balls! I mean sometimes I’m so tired I just tell the Ex Factor to just lay them next to my pillow (giving you the G rated version of what I really said). I definitely know I need a private balls class taught by the Ex Factor…because they just get in the way like pickles on a cheeseburger! FYI I can’t stand pickles! I know they are for flavoring but come on! Yuck! And I digress…back to balls. How does a straight woman with an active sex life and children never have to deal with BALLS?! How does one even avoid them? Seriously, how does a woman love a man (I ask the same of men) and not explore his entire body? I’ve mentioned before that I have ADD when it comes to that area between the nut sack and butthole…soon to be graduated to ADHD since I hear pressing on that area gently brings pleasure but I at least try! I don’t care if your man is a preacher on the holiest of holidays…his balls are screaming for attention!!!! I’ve been almost 10 months free of balls and it does feel great to take a vacation from them. However, I’m a little annoyed that some woman out there has managed to avoid all the uncomfortable moments balls can bring in a sexual experience. ?? While I’m working on negotiating a longer vacation from balls with the Ex Factor (Stacey inspired me because her concept is so bold and freeing…for now), I’m going to need Stacey to tend to her man’s balls! I don’t care if she cooks a tuna casserole around them….she better just give them a good look and get acquainted! Your man may not know how to request it but no way balls are content with being left alone unless…a man is missing one or both. ? ~KJM flashing back to the nightmares known as the first time seeing a penis, balls, or even worst my first and last time feeling but never looking at an extra tiny penis on Flashback Friday! Oh the horror…