Happy Hump Day! Today I’m going to cover two articles I came across. I read one on xoNecole (about a woman who saved her virginity for her husband only to end up with bad sex) and one in Essence (about a woman who has not had sex with her husband in 3.5 years!). Now let me start off by saying two things: (1) I do not give married people advice so I can only approach these two topics as a single woman dating and (2) SEX IS AN IMPORTANT FORM OF COMMUNICATION!!!! The latter gets so downplayed…especially when people are deeply religious! I’m more spiritual than religious so I have no issue with going there! Recently, my own sex life was slipping but I did not let it go down in flames! I had a talk with the Ex Factor that put us on an orgasmic upward swing. ? If you have been dating for years, you can find yourselves in a rut just like any married couple. Sometimes it’s because you guys are taking each other for granted and/or the world just swallows you up, whether you have children or not. That’s one of the myths I want to debunk! Children are not the only thing that can kill your sex life! So many things come into play as grown adults try to make it in the world! Still got to make time to touch each other in loving ways though! That takes me to Bad Sex Chronicles number 1: the virgin. Now I’m not going to tell you to wait for marriage or not. I did not and I have no regrets about that. I was two years old when my parents got married so they surely didn’t stress that I had to wait for marriage….they just had three rules: (1) Sex safely and responsibly on my own terms, (2) don’t be giving it away to everybody, and (3) always know who your baby daddy is! My folks are not about that Maury life! ? The rules were the same for the boys and the girls in my house. The Michaels were not trying to be young grandparents and so far they aren’t! ?? So that debunks another myth that if parents speak to their kids about sex then kids are going to be out there doing it. Nope! I lost my virginity when I was almost 19 years old and already away at college but I digress. If you saved yourself for someone and the sex is unsatisfying…you must talk about it! Now many people asked how did this young lady know that her husband’s sex was bad sex when she had never had it before… um you don’t have to have had it before to know your body doesn’t like that type of sex! Julio and I lost our virginities to each other and while I loved the fact that we were comfortable enough to explore with each other….I almost immediately wondered what it was like to sleep with other guys! ? So I knew (from having no previous experience as I did not even let him and his penis play in my vaginal area the years before we had sex) that there was more to sex. My body just knew….so this lady can know too that her husband sucks in bed! Most of the time, bad sex is a sign of having bad communication in other parts of the relationship. Both communication inside and outside of the bedroom can affect your sex life! ? This is so important to remember! If you and your partner are out of sync outside the bedroom…you can best believe your sex life will be awkward at best and not pleasurable at worst! ?? This is why it’s so important to sit down and talk with your spouse. I recommend at least a yearly sex chat if you are in a long term relationship. Preferences change, health issues can develop, and the need for exploration is usually there for one or both parties. Don’t get so familiar that you assume you know what your partner likes! Just because she liked that little thing you use to do ten years ago…doesn’t mean she likes it now…so check in! Be open. Be honest. And give yourselves homework on what you can work on to increase your partner’s pleasurability! ?? Don’t just focus on what you are missing! It takes two to tango so you better figure out how you can step up your game too! That’s what it takes to be a good sex partner! ?? Now what if you discuss what you need in the bedroom and your partner won’t try it or does not improve? ? As a dating person, you really don’t have to take that! So many dicks in the pond that you can just go find one! However, if you are in love (because other things do matter in a relationship besides sex), I suggest seeking out a sex therapist! Life is too short to settle for bad sex! Next up on the Bad Sex Chronicles…the lady that has not had sex with her husband in 3.5 years! Now if he’s not gay or cheating…he may have some medical issue he is not discussing with you. If he still won’t talk about it with you…get thee to that sex therapist! I don’t know how one can survive 3.5 years not being touched by the person they love the most…I was only getting it once a month and I almost burnt down the Ex Factor’s house! ? Just kidding! But in a dating relationship, no sex for 3.5 years and y’all been together for 6 is just unacceptable! When the Ex Factor is not touching me and reenforcing his sweet words with sweet touches…I feel insecure. I want only his touch so if we went that long without doing it…I imagine we would be fighting everyday! Like I said before, sex is not the most important thing in a relationship but it is important! Never forget that. Whether you are having sex or not…it’s going to be an issue that comes up. Once again, be honest and open! I’m not gonna lie…3.5 years of boo not touching me would most likely lead to me cheating! ?? Plus if he isn’t having some psychological or medical issue…he may have already been cheating too! Over three years is just way too much time to not feel connected and there just has to be a breakdown in communication in other areas that is now visiting you guys in the bedroom! Talk about it before things get out of control! In dating, if you find out that you two are not sexually compatible, you may just have to move on cause if the sex sucks now…it won’t get better in marriage! ?? Now the rules get even more interesting when you just started dating! I give bad sex two to three times a try before I decide that that dick ain’t worth saving! But watch out…I gave Elijah three chances and ended up with a rip in my asshole and the rabbit (a sex toy) shoved into my vagina! ??? I should have heeded the warning signs that it wasn’t going to be great sex but to be honest nothing could have prepared me for the crazy shit Elijah pulled! ??? But if you remember correctly, I dated him for 6 months more but I never let his ass touch my pussy nor my asshole again! The nerve!!! ??? We just went on sexless dates! Plus it took my asshole like three months to heal! ?? But back to your possible bad sex experiences! If after two to three times the sex is still bad….I’m done because like this guy ain’t nobody I truly care for! ✌? Now with the Ex Factor things were different. We started off having mind blowing sex for years and only found ourselves in a rut these last two years. If a man you love use to sex you right, work with him! You already know his potential in and out of the bedroom! Communicate! And for the record…the Ex Factor is one of only two men (Crazy from college being the other) that I’ve slept with where I never thought about another guy while having sex with them! Even with Phoenix, I use to pretend I was sexing the Ex Factor! But what makes the Ex Factor the game changer is he is the ONLY MAN that I love AND lust for!!! ? It’s the first time that my heart and my pussy are connected! ?? ~KJM on Hump Day! Happy Humping! ?☺️
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