Love escape me. Please don’t ever visit. That use to be my prayer. Let me just travel and enjoy life so love please be kind and just escape me. This was me my entire dating life until two years ago. Something happened (unbeknownst to me) and just like that…playing games and hiding feelings no longer appealed to me. I didn’t need to be married right away (still feel that way) but I got sick of the unknown. And with this change came a feeling of bitterness as I saw the Ex Factor how he sees himself…AS LIMITED and I was settling…lowering my standards because I loved him deeply. To show you how unusual that is for me, the other day I was talking to Papa Michaels (my Daddy) and I mentioned my feelings for the Ex Factor. My dad quietly said he had never heard me say I cared about any guy much less love a guy. Deep! And it’s true. So many times I thought I could care but true bad girls can only care for a short moment until they run up on their exception. ?? My exception did not deserve to be my exception but I digress. Yesterday, it felt so good to write about a positive dating situation. Hope you caught up on Monday’s blog called “The Good Guy (How Youth Teaches Us To Be Stupid Edition).” I got so much positive feedback from strangers and people who knew Jason and I in college. It was so freeing to be a happy ex with someone that I have no ill will towards. We split because we weren’t in love…just in deep like. Plus he’s a West Coast guy and I’m a East Coast girl for life! ?? I wanted to publicly share a picture of Jason and I at the height of our happiness but I’m still debating. We’ve both moved on and I would never want to do anything to make him and his girl uncomfortable….though in the position we are in…you can’t really see our faces! ? If I do decide to share…it will be on throwback Thursday. And before anyone even goes there…holding onto the memory is not holding onto the man. He represents a great (not perfect) dating experience and I’m just so grateful to have had that. The Jason memory reminded that I do have the ability to accidentally pick some great guys. May have lost my compass these last 7 years but I’m getting back to the Kingston I was with Jason. Sexy and free. Uninhibited and relaxed. Til then this reformed bad girl is going to try to steer clear of bad boys while falling in love with some of my bad girl ways again. I am changed from all I have been through but I’m trying to make it a positive change. I’m looking to meet a secure, commitment ready, selfless, funny, and caring guy that’s all about me and only me. But I’m in no rush. Old Kingston would have just wanted to have fun…like I did with Jason. No love feelings just trust and security until I bump into my forever guy….whether he be a Boaz, Abraham, Elijah (the biblical one), Jonah, Moses, or David. I’m definitely off sex for a while. Between the Ex Factor and the non biblical Elijah, I am so turned off by sex. It just seems pointless and like wasted time. I just want a straight guy to hold my hands for at least 6 months while making me laugh. I think that’s the only way I can rebuild trust again with men. I am 36 and unmarried with no kids and I really have no regrets about that. I don’t want to be stuck with someone I settled for. Would rather soar alone on this earth…free from standing in time with someone who never deserved to know me in the first place.?? So how does a bad girl develop a fetish for bad boys? By wanting the same nothingless situations…until she has a desire to be a good woman. As always, I am a work in progress! ? ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. Steer clear of the bad boys and gravitate to a man who has been praying to God for you! ??
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