Well I finally got laid! And it was not another episode of the Sleeping Penetration! Lawd knows I could not survive that without ending up on snapped! Baby boy (The Ex Factor) was wide awake and even though we were short on time … we made the most of it. It wasn’t the all night session I generally require but it did the trick! And you know what I realized?! I am a fucking psycho!!! For the last 4 months, we have fought and tried to improve our communication along the way. While the arguments were ugly and my feelings got all the way hurt (still taking him at his word) … we almost completely stopped touching each other. The Ex Factor wasn’t counting but I damn sure was! In the last 4 months, we have had sex THREE times, including last night. I don’t remember much about March because my work schedule was so crazy I could barely find time to tie my shoelaces but I know I found some time in my 90 plus hour work weeks to do him. Y’all know May was…well…. (see Sleeping Penetration blog), and then last night. When he’s not touching me…I fucking lose it. My mind wonders and I’m like what the fuck is he doing?! And if you have known me for a long time….you will know that I have laid with the male pimps and hoes population before and never got jealous. The Ex Factor is the only dude that I will get crazy jealous of the chick that just gave him his McDonald’s meal in the drive thru! Like she smiled a little bit too much when she handed him his fries! I was never like that with Julio and I damn sure wasn’t like that with Crazy who was probably sleeping with half of Penn State’s female population when we were dating! I always remained calm, cool (well as cool as I could be), and collected (unless somebody crossed me). Lol. I’ve grown up so much. For someone who grew up around so much infidelity, you would think I would be able to trust no man. But it’s very few that I cared what they did. So I never gave trust to begin with…coupled with a lack of real feelings and you get a woman who was unbothered…that is…until now. There’s always a first time for things! But I digress… The thing that was so wonderful about yesterday was the INTIMACY was exactly what I needed…before and after the sex. We felt in sync…even if it’s just for that one moment in time! I was breathing him and he was breathing me. That knot in my chest (probably from ignoring him all week) had been lifted and we could just be. And that’s where we were…just being together. Problems and all but just being. It was a good feeling. I could put all the stressful stuff about work and life behind me. And that is what the Ex Factor is when he’s at his best…he’s like the rainbow after the storm. That’s why he is so hard to leave… ~KJM on Flashback Friday? I am realizing that having just communication without any physical touch in your relationship/situationship is just as bad as only having the physical with someone. A loving touch goes a long way to back up kind words…
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