There’s a deep freeze heading my way and it just may take with it my heart. After writing Monday’s blog (see She Said It Was Amazing) a series of events occurred. Someone posted an unflattering picture of me on one of their social networks and I just lost it. I mean you could not even see my face!? As I was sitting at my desk asking myself why they would do something like that…it dawned on me that I’m not so materialistic to think every photo on social networks must be perfect…so what was the real issue that caused me to cry?! I’m in a process of working on myself. From the emotional to the physical and the picture triggered so many not great memories. I have not felt desired by the Ex Factor since September 2012… As I said in Monday’s blog, he’s very comfortable and it shows. We have had several discussions about it and as far as I’m concerned…he’s all talk and no action. I hit him with my thoughts via text (not the best thing to do) and after a long while he responded about how I was feeling about the photo and NOT about his part in making me feel this way. I feel…INSECURE! If there are any men reading this blog…I’m going to repeat this again for you in case you missed it in Monday’s blog…. That woman that loves you needs to be emotionally, physically, and mentally validated and cared for by you! If you do not heed this warning…your woman will walk away and another man will do your job…easily….?? There’s no amount of dick down that can replace actions of care. As a matter of fact…the more you neglect that woman that loves you…is the worse your sex life will be! ? Sex with the Ex Factor has been a chore for the last couple of years…like laundry…and I hate laundry yet sometimes it’s necessary. ?? This explains why my friend’s story of her current boo got me all kinds of envious and I’m rarely envious! I have been neglected and I’m not sure there is any amount of forgiveness that can get us pass this stage. Now before you go there…let me put you on to a few things. No one every tells girls this but I will. You will probably grow up to fall in love with a selfish and self centered man who will forget everything from your birthday to your anniversary! ?Boys are raised to think only of themselves while girls are raised to think of others! I know this is a huge generalization but roll with it for the sake of this blog. Now like with any rule…there are exceptions! My Daddy is one of them. Growing up, he would remind me not only of the day I was born (a Thursday) but would go on for most of my life calling me at the exact time (12:40pm) I was born while there would be some years my own mother would forget my birthday! ? But for the most part your man…despite his best efforts…will forget things, think you are being dramatic, and will push your feelings aside. Even a more astonishing fact is most wives will lie and pretend that their husbands are so in tuned with their every emotion (FALSE) instead of telling you the real deal about how they overcame these difficult moments! I get marriage is sacred and you cannot let people in on the ins and outs of it but at least remind a sista that men are work! ? Truth be told…only a woman truly knows a woman but some women do get lucky and get men that at least try to learn their women! Most of us, however, will struggle with teaching him how to be emotionally available, caring, consistent, and PRESENT in all moments but especially the difficult ones! ?? The man you love may really love you but selfish self centered asshole is still going to be his middle name. It’s ingrained in his gender! Woosa! ?? Most of us will have huge moments of doubt about whether he loves us, whether we made the right decision of choosing him, will have to practice patience and hardcore forgiveness, and will have to work on not stepping outside of ourselves during those difficult moments! Sigh…I feel so unprepared for it all! I did not grow up seeing great communication between my parents. Matter of fact…even now…they can hardly be in the same room together without arguing! Sigh…so that leaves me to ask…if a man does not know how to love now…will he ever?! ? When Julio and I split many years ago…I left that relationship thinking he treated every other woman better than me. What I came to find out from his continuous single status is um…no. He definitely was not treating them better or else at least one of them would have stayed and married his ass! ?? Goes to show that even with the straight men marriage market being so limited…some sistas will say single is better than married to an asshole! And I agree! ?? But I digress… Can a man learn to love in a non selfish way? I’m not sure. What I do know is I have verbally communicated my concerns with the Ex Factor and it just seems to fall on deaf ears. So while I continue to work on me…he’s over there being the same person! Now I know what you are thinking…I should just leave him and trust me I’m sure the Good Lord knows if and when that time will be. The reason I have stayed put (besides loving him) is because these are obstacles most women will have to deal with…with most men during the course of their relationship! Don’t believe me? Remember this time last year I was asking “do husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives?” That blog was about selfish ass Elijah after I broke up with him! Now he was a special type of selfish, cheap, and controlling but still most men have some of these elements in them. They are more focused on impressing their boys than making the woman that loves them happy. You will be living with and/or married to a big kid for the entire length of your relationship. Many times you will question whether he was stuck on stupid when he does certain things. ? And there will be moments you will want to leave his ass right where you found him! ?? I wish someone had told me these things when I started dating at age 15. Still…the Ex Factor is the most emotionally deficient guy I’ve ever bumped into and I’m just fucking exhausted. I’m beginning to think that a woman’s plot in life is to wish she was a lesbian so she would not ever have to deal with men again! Unfortunately, I’m straight and in love with an emotionally unavailable man. Damn…I’m wondering if I pissed someone off badly in another life and I’m paying for it in this one?! ?~KJM on Hump Day saying…shout out to all the lesbians! Let your thoughts be free…but mostly let your mind be free of men! Lol. Back to focusing on me…??
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