I Am His (Carnal Knowledge On Hold Edition)

Moist…breakthrough…taste me…I want you. It’s been 3 months since Elijah and I had these moments. Freshly dating, we did become intimate rather quickly. On our third (and last) encounter, we had a few awkward moments. It just felt like I was some place else. I could see him and I could feel him but something seemed off. Typically I like a 3-6 months gap to tighten my pussy before having sex with a man I care about. It’s my time to get to know him, develop feelings, and decide if I really want him to enter me. Because I left the ex factor rather suddenly and unexpectedly, I really didn’t have time to prepare for anything or anyone. Truth be told, I wanted to take a year off from dating anyone. I’ve done this in the past. At 22 this would be a sexy and independent idea but at 34 it’s a dangerous game to play…especially if I’m still open to having kids. Now I don’t believe in a woman’s biological clock controlling her life but I’m also no fool. It is a huge factor when dating in your 30s (at least for a woman). Even more suddenly and unexpectedly, Elijah introduced himself to me 3 weeks before I broke things off with the ex factor. It’s a good time to say “Jesus, commitment, and pork!” If you don’t know what I’m referring to….see my earlier blogs of the day I met Elijah. He had to be open to all 3 things for me to consider dating him. And so the story began…Elijah and I that is. Back to our last moment of passion…in the midst of this awkward moment, I reminded Elijah that I have never been able to fall in love through sex. If he wanted my heart, the physical was not going to be the way to do it. He had to decide…did he want my heart (which will lead him to all of me) or my body (which will only lead to my body…the limited time edition that is)? I’m not sure if he purposely made that decision back in November or if the fact he works 7 days a week and I work 6 days played a huge role…but here we are three months later and still no sex. In that time, Elijah told me he loved me and I expressed the same. For me, not having sex helped me to see Elijah and myself clearly. New Years Eve (11 days before Elijah told me he loved me), I went to Maryland to ring in the new year with a close college friend, her son, and her mom. It was during those 4 days in MD I realized that Elijah meant a lot to me and that I better actively shed my past in 2016. That’s the thing about not giving yourself time to heal or not having time to heal….you take skeletons with you into your new relationship. While sex is a huge part of intimacy and I would never down play its importance…for us…not making it the central focus of what we are to each other worked. I AM HIS and this time period reinforced that. When we finally have sex…it will be making love. As I’ve said many times before, Elijah is the first man that made love to me a million times in my dreams before ever touching me. I can feel him…sense him…taste him from thousands of miles away. I will leave you with the words of the great Celine Dion… “I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes I want to be the touch you need every single night I want to be your fantasy And be your reality And everything between I want you to need me Like the air you breathe I want you to feel me In everything I want you to see me In your every dream The way that I taste you feel you breathe you need you I want you to need me Like I need you I want to be the eyes that look deep into your soul I want to be the world to you I just want it all I want to be your deepest kiss The answer to your every wish I’m all you ever need More than you could know And I need you To never never let me go And I need to be deep inside your heart I just want to be everywhere you are…. I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes I want to be the touch you need every single night I want to be your fantasy And be your reality And everything between” ~KJM is so in love on Flashback Friday❤️