Dear Girlfriend, you are probably surprised to be hearing from me. Or are you? To be honest, I didn’t know I was going to write you until this morning. You see I’ve been friends with Phoenix, your boyfriend and father of your child, for almost as long as you have known him. We have a very strange friendship. Over the years, he has been that good friend that isn’t always in my life but is there when I need him most. He is sexy, intelligent, funny, and easy going. He’s got the biggest chocolate penis I’ve ever seen but then again maybe I should just spare you those details since you clearly know what his private parts look like. Let me be clear about something, this letter is really for YOU. It’s not for Phoenix…for he and I know where we stand. Things I say may come off disrespectful but I promise you, I mean no disrespect. It’s just that since he has been my mistress on and off for 15 years and I’m now being given the chance to be his….I had to write. I’m not in love with Phoenix nor do I want to take him away from you. I’ve seen pictures of you (on Facebook of course) and you are beautiful! Your daughter looks just like you! And while this sounds weird coming from me, you guys make a lovely family! From what I can see, he is an AMAZING father! But every time I ask him if he loves you…he replies that he loves his daughter. Over the years, I’ve been to almost all of Phoenix’s apartments….even before your daughter was born. For the most part, I would visit when you guys were on breaks. Though to be honest, I’m sure somewhere in there…you and I overlap. I tend to only stay for the night and then travel back to whatever state I’ve been living in. Phoenix was okay with me staying but I have always made it clear that I just want him to heal my broken heart for a night and then I’m on my way. Never on any of my trips did I see a picture of you or any remnants of a woman in his apartment…even when he was in graduate school. His place has always been a complete bachelor pad and even though I was never fearful that you would appear in the middle of the night (as nothing around us reminded me of you) I was never able to get a good night sleep next to Phoenix. In my mind, he has always belonged to you. I’m sure by now you are getting frustrated with me and are wondering why I am writing. Chill. Be patient. Actually patience is your problem. I’m trying not to judge but how could you be with a man for over 15 years, give birth to his child, and still just be his live in girlfriend?! Now I don’t know if the institution of marriage will ever be for me but I respect it. You see if you were his wife, I would never consider laying down with Phoenix again. Girl even if you were a fiancé coupled with the fact that you are the mother of his child, you would not be getting this letter…from me. Once again, I’m trying not to judge but how could girlfriend or baby mama (I cringe just writing that) be enough for a woman who loves herself?! It’s one thing if both parties do not believe in marriage but I get the feeling you do. I think you have been patiently waiting, since the birth of your daughter, for Phoenix to propose. Well it’s 2016 and he just told me…he has no plans to ever propose! Ouch I feel it for you! But then it crossed my mind that you just may know that he is not in love with you but just doesn’t want another man to raise his child. It occurred to me that you go to bed at night well aware of your situation but you settled. Now I know what you are thinking….how do I know that Phoenix isn’t lying to me?! First off, he and I have always been honest with each other because we are so similar in so many ways. I don’t have to pretend like I don’t got a man when I go see him. Second, Phoenix is well aware that if after seeing each other on and off for 15 years and I never stayed with him…I won’t. He got into this knowing my heart would always live elsewhere. One time, shortly after your daughter was born and while you guys were definitely broken up, Phoenix and I tried to give the relationship a chance. He was ride or die for me while I was facing the final challenges of my professional career. Phoenix held me down and I really appreciate him for that. He was there when my first love, Julio, was too selfish to be. I appreciate your man and clearly I respect him if I’m hesitating to join him in destroying his family. I’m sure by now you are wondering why I haven’t made the trip to your state and fucked your man? I’ve a few reasons why I haven’t: 4. My siblings, Junior and Brenda, aren’t about this life. I’ve been so reformed in loving and being with just one man (Elijah) and if I dip during our hard times and let Phoenix sample this good good pussy, I may never be able to be faithful…even in marriage and that scares me. 3. I do love Elijah. 2. I don’t want the karma from this affair. And my number 1 reason for writing and not agreeing to see Phoenix is…your daughter. You see I grew up around lots of domestic violence and infidelity. I make no excuses for my past mistakes but my childhood has a lot to do with the way I view love, marriage, and fidelity. Know that I would never want to put your daughter through any of that. I want her growing up believing in love and marriage. Parents sometimes forget that when you cheat on your spouse, you destroy your children in the process. I don’t think this has occurred to Phoenix because I know if it had, he would never be open to our affair. And I know he would not intentionally do anything to hurt his child. I’ve more experience in this area than he does…both as a child growing up around infidelity and now a grown adult that’s jaded. I don’t want that for your daughter. It is thoughts of her that makes me write you. Thoughts of her happiness that makes me stop in my tracks and wake up to what I was about to do. Question though…why hasn’t thoughts of your daughter inspired you to be more than a girlfriend/baby mama? Why doesn’t your love for her…increase your love for yourself?! Why haven’t you told Phoenix that he is a damn good father but if he isn’t trying to be a loving husband to you….you both must part ways except for when taking care of your child. I know you love him. You have to….you have been hanging in there for 15 years! Some of those years you were probably young and dumb but now you are a mother. What’s your excuse now? If you are patiently waiting for his love for you to return…you are going about this all wrong. From looking at your pictures, you seem sweet and caring. A professional man like Phoenix love challenges. I’m a tiger in everything I do especially in both my careers! I hustle hard and I make no apologies about how aggressive I can be when I’m going after a goal. I’m not afraid to leave nor lose a man. I’ve protected my womb and hope to only share a child with my future husband or have no child at all as I live as a happy single. No one knows what the future holds but a man like Phoenix knows that I patiently wait for no man but God. Now here’s where I get a little graphic. Before I let you go, I’ve to paint a picture so you really and truly understand how dire the situation is. Stop patiently waiting in life and in bed. Phoenix likes to be challenged. From his pulling my hair to him slapping my ass to him getting turned on when I pretend to almost call him another man’s name while I climax…Phoenix is a freak. He has been my sexual teacher. I’m not sure if sex really is your issue because he actually never bad mouths you to me. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t talk about you at all! Learn to be memorable and not a doormat who may have been easily forgotten had it not been for other life circumstances. Cheer your man on but don’t forget to let him know that he has to work for you! I may not be a wife but I’ve had 3 chances to be married so far in life and I’ve turned them all down. I could be married in 6 months if I wanted to. Men do love bad girls! My motto in life is I’m a good woman when I meet a good man until then…I’m a bad girl for life. The type that sat on your man’s face and isn’t afraid to play rough with him. I….patiently…wait…for…no…man. And if I want something I take it! Whatever your issues are…get couples’ counseling and see if you can make it work for the sake of you, Phoenix, and your daughter. There may be real love there but love is not much without work. I’m going to leave Phoenix alone for now but just know that there will be others! They may not write nor will they give a damn about the title girlfriend. Some hoes don’t give a damn about the title wife but if she has the ability to be a good woman, the word wife will stop her in her tracks! Wife is the goal here! Aim high! And if Elijah and I don’t work out, I may swing back around to see if you have been upgraded. Let me leave you with some words of wisdom (also known as the song I will strip to for YOUR man if you are still just a girlfriend in a year or two): “I was runnin’ through the 6 with my woes Yeah! I was runnin’ through the 6 with my woes You know how that should go You know how that should go You know how that should go Runnin’ through the 6 with my woes You know how that should go You know how that should go You know how that should go” Know Yourself by Drake! ~KJM on Hump Day saying girlfriends get your credentials up or no woman that isn’t your family member nor friend will respect you. If you are not a wife, your man is always up for grabs!
lord lord lord i loved this blog today. Like I was here for every minute. In one breath it was like oh girl but then it was like you def tried to school the young lady on the fact that she needs to roll out or at least become appealing to her man again. I know plenty of men like Phoenix I really do and its sad that the women dont see the demise before it goes down. Started my hump day off right!
I knew you would be the first to comment Toi lol. Thank you! I think Phoenix has what it takes to be a good man. They just need to WORK at. I’m going to fall back but most women probably wouldn’t given the fact that she is not his wife.
So after reading this post I’m still trying to decipher what exactly is the point of your letter. You never quite got to the point of why now after 15 years you decide to put the girlfriend on notice. Quite frankly all I really see is a hurt woman and I’m not referring to the girlfriend. You write her a letter telling her about how successful you are, how freaky you are, how you’re a go getter at life and don’t need a man and I’m curious to know why. Even with her man being who is he (there’s no debate that’s he’s a liar n untrustworthy) what good does it do letting her know who you are. Unless its not her you truly speak to. Its you. It’s you telling yourself how great of a woman you are and yet for 15 years Phoenix has continuously decided NOT to choose you. You see she may not be his wife and she may only have the title of girlfriend/baby momma but its still a title above you. There’s no way you spread your legs for this man for 15 years and have NEVER fantasize about being with him exclusively. I’m sure plenty of times after he made you cum and your legs shaked you thought of nothing more than making Phoenix and that euphoric feeling a permanent situation. With all your credentials and strength Phoenix doesn’t think its good or worthy enough to be on his arm. Who he brings around his family. You’re not the one his colleagues know about. Invited to the picnics etc. You get my point. So as I read this letter I couldn’t help but pitty you. I read misery disguised in feminism. You question the love she has for herself but you should really ask why don’t you love yourself. Why do you not deem yourself worthy enough to be more than a side chick for 15 years. Now you found a new man Elijah. That’s good. Congratulations I guess. I can’t help but to chuckle at that because you’ve already thought about running back to Phoenix. Its so clear you wished Elijah was Phoenix. All of what Elijah gives you whether you care to admit or not, you know inside you wished Phoenix did that for you. Like a previously stated, all I read in this letter is a hurt woman. A hurt woman looking for answers in every other place other than herself. This was a good read though. Hope u find peace n happiness.
Dear Nosey Reader, thank you so much for your point of view. I really do mean that. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. Let me clear up a few things for you though. First, in real life I did not write Phoenix’s girlfriend. Only a woman who wants THAT man would! I’m writing women like her and if you read my follow up blog “The Aftermath of Dear Girlfriend” you will understand my thoughts better. Second, Phoenix has been MY mistress and friend for those 15 years. He can never call upon me. Only I can call upon him. Third, I am in fact a feminist. My entire dating life I’ve always been able to separate sex and love. If you have been following my blog (which I suspect you are a new reader), you will see I fell for Elijah when we weren’t having sex and see I NEVER fell for Phoenix because all we do is have sex. Over the 15 years span, I see Phoenix maybe once every two years when I’ve hit a rough patch with who I’m dating or we have broken up. To me, Phoenix is a cool dude and an awesome dad! What I didn’t mention in my letter is I tell him to get his shit together and MARRY HIS GIRLFRIEND! Fourth, I believe a woman controls the status of every relationship. No man can do to you what you do not let him. Hence why Phoenix can never ring my phone asking for sex! Sixth, I do have huge commitment issues! Always have! Like I said I’ve turned down 3 proposals in those last 15 years…2 of those men are now happily married to women who are perfect for them! Seventh, I use to be this young lady in a past relationship and that’s why I’m writing her to say WAKE UP boo! Nothing wrong with aiming to be a wife! Eighth, Elijah and I have so much work to do! We are both successful, hardworking, and controlling people! Phoenix actually supports me working it out with Elijah but did say he’s here for me if I need him. I know! Strange friendship! I believe before getting married, every woman should date multiple men (don’t have to sex them all) and get in touch with her bad girl side! You learn so much about yourself when you turn a dark corner and find out what type of woman you are meant to be. Ninth, Elijah and I thank you for the well wishes! We need it! Stay tuned to the blog to see how we work through it or how we move on. Lastly, you must be s scorned girlfriend (and I say that with no shade) for you to have written this comment. Being a girlfriend for 15 years and having a man’s child (in my opinion) makes a girlfriend a glorified side piece! That man is waiting for something better…someone to challenge him and stand up for herself! No one likes a doormat! I hope and pray you are standing up for yourself in every situation! Thanks again for your point of view. Peace, love, and blessings! Kingston Jael?
I’m happy to get a little more insight on your situation but my views still stay the same. You claim to be a feminist yet you’re involved in breaking another woman’s home. How could you say you’re all for women empowering themselves and standing up to men when you have a hand at one of things that breaks us down, the destruction of a family. Clearly the girlfriend loves Phoenix and yes he’s not a good man to her but your involvement in the situation doesn’t help. You’re a walking contradiction. A true feminist wouldn’t knowing participate in an affair for 15 years. A true feminist has enough RESPECT for herself and other women to tell a taken man NO! You cant pick and choose when you want to support the cause and when u dont. Right is right and wrong is wrong. The moment you decide to make a wrong decision you null and void your all of what you stand for. And I’ve read your next blog about marriage vs relationships and that’s a bunch of bologna. More excuses and lies you’re telling yourself to justify your ill behavior. People need to know a person before they marry which is where a relationship comes into part. It should be just as respected as a marriage because in the end two people are out of the singles club. But back to girlfriend not being married to Phoenix. Who’s to say her NOT marrying him is a way she’s standing up for herself. Perhaps she knows he’s a liar and cheater but because he is the father of her child she’s keeping the peace between the two of them. Clearly she doesn’t live with him and probably has no intentions on doing so. Maybe she’s perfectly content living her life independently with her child and at a good place with her child’s father. You wouldn’t know considering you pop up once every two years. Whatever Phoenix tells you, you can’t take as the truth because he’s showed you he’s a liar. Now you found Elijah and I’m happy for you. I’ll read that blog next on how you fell in love with him. My concern with that relationship is the karma you’ve cause yourself dealing with Phoenix. I hope any friend of Elijah’s doesn’t feel he’s on call penis like Phoenix is to you. And to answer your speculation, no I’m not a scorn girlfriend. I do and I have stood up for myself. I left a man after 6 years because I knew nothing would come of it. Where most women would have stayed with my ex and most people thought I was crazy for leaving him I did what I knew what was best for me. So I do know about being strong and standing on your own two feet. And I don’t need to have a dark side to do so. I fully know who I am as a woman and what I want in a man. I won’t ever settle for anything less. It didn’t take me sleeping with someone’s else’s man to realize that either. Point is there are more ways of becoming a woman other than relying on a man to do so. I did not need to date and have a man tell me I’m pretty to know who I am or explore my sexuality. With all that I’ve said I do appreciate the read and your response. I will be reading your other blogs and catching up. I commend you for being so brave and sharing your story. Peace n love Nosey Reader
Nosey Reader, Phoenix’s girlfriend does live with him. We will just have to agree to disagree on this topic. I can see you are a woman scorned. Praying for you honey! KJM
As for Elijah…I’m well aware that I’m not his wife and I’ve been on both sides of this coin. The road to forever may not be picture perfect for everyone. I stand tall in my truth and as a feminist…I don’t judge another woman for doing what’s right for herself. My beef will always be with my man…never a woman who doesn’t know me. Elijah actually is aware of how flawed I am. If it’s really meant to be…we will find perfection in our imperfection. And to make something abundantly clear…I have not been Phoenix’s mistress for 15 years. I’ve known him for that long. I’m sorry you think there’s only one kind of feminist. Guess that’s like how many saved people think there’s only one kind of Christian…one who does as they say. I live for God not man. Let him judge me. Just not your place but peace, love, and blessings to you once again! KJM