Year 2013. It started off in tears. Me bawling in the streets of New York. I felt hurt. The pain was just too much. It felt like I had lost a part of me…that’s how deep my love use to be for him. Currently, he is a separate entity that I just happen to love and one day…he will just be “someone I use to know.” I know I probably sound like a mad woman right now but that really sums up year 2013. It was like I was me but I really wasn’t me. From the outside, my blue/green eyeshadow sparkled and my skin continued to glow but there was a sadness in my eyes. A darkness that I covered up with black blazers. I cried and cried while ignoring his texts. I left and never told him why. But I asked him over and over at the end of 2012 if she existed. I…felt her presence. He no longer looked at me like I was home. I…felt….her. And like some typical man shit, he tried to convince me that I was imagining her. Before this, I was not the best in relationships. If someone had asked me if I had a side piece (Phoenix), I would honestly answer YES! I always put on my big girl panties and own my shit. He never asked if there was a Phoenix so I never had to explain my back up plan. On the real, Phoenix was just a good friend who was a place card filler when shit went left in my love life. He was that huge penis filled with sex appeal and intelligence that every woman should have before she settles down. ?? Shout out to Phoenix for holding me down when love or lust had done me dirty. ? But I digress. I asked the Ex Factor if she existed and he said NO. He lied. From that day on, I would never view him the same. I have laid with dogs who were honest about being dogs. That use to be my preference in “boys” but the two men I stayed with the longest ( Julio on and off for 10 years and the Ex Factor for almost 9 years) were not dogs. I don’t love them hoes and you can’t turn a hoe into a husband (see my blog titled “Community Penis” for reference). ?? I don’t want a man that every woman has had. I may occasionally f*ck them male hoes but I don’t husband them! ?? Sometimes you just got to call good dick what it is…good dick that deserves to be left alone when we women are done climaxing! ?? Exhale on that! Lol. Now where was I? Oh yes…chapter 4…year 2013. It was one of the darkest years of my life. I thought I had found MY ONE but he had just turned out to be more of the same shit. Believe it or not…if he had been honest with me about talking to her and whomever else…I would have given him space to do so. At this point, the Ex Factor was around 24 years old. I was almost 32. Man, I was a mess in my 20s!!! Commitment and relationships just weren’t my thing and with the exception of Julio, I managed to not have any real feelings for a guy until I laid eyes on the Ex Factor shortly after I turned 29. Had he been honest, I could have gone and played with Phoenix while the Ex Factor tried to figure out what he wanted. But he lied. She did exist and that pain was too much to endure. I stepped away with no goodbyes and lost my f*cking mind. Somehow I ended up in Atlanta in a situation where I could have lost my life. ??♀️ That is all I am going to say about that! After that, my friends intervened and I went to see Harmony in Vegas for my 32nd birthday. It was the rejuvenation that I needed! From that moment on, Vegas and Harmony became my second home. No man will ever be called home again! ?? 48 hours after getting back from Vegas, with the help of my concerned friends, I accidentally moved to Richmond, VA. I spent almost two years of my life there…and the Ex Factor was still part of my life. Didn’t matter if I had a man or was single…I heard from him throughout the years. He never let go and unbeknownst to me…neither had I…. ~KJM dropping Chapter 4 on Charm School Monday! I hope you are enjoying this love week special. It feels great to be writing again. The words are pouring out of me and I am climaxing as if Phoenix just opened his door to let my broken heart in and…suddenly had me “talking in a falsetto!” ?