Here at Kingston Expressions, I have been taking life way too seriously. Between heartbreaks and lack of orgasms…I’m bringing my damn self down. Lol. Today I want to tap into my less serious but more ignorant side. ? Shall we get into this count down? Here are the top 12 insane reasons that I would break up with a guy for. 12. EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE/ REFUSE TO COMMIT/SITUATIONSHIP KING! While we all have baggage, I don’t want no part of these fuckers!!! ✌? Went through hell and back with the Ex Factor and don’t ever want to repeat this seven year mistake again! ??? The next time I run into a fuckboy, I’m running for the hills! Nobody has time to get their heartbroken and watch their life be wasted! The minute I meet a new guy that seems shady…I will sniff his noncommittal ways out of him….I’m out….whether I love him or not. Staying with the Ex Factor has been my biggest life regret. Truly wish I never met him! ✌?11. HE DOES NOT TRAVEL/NO PASSPORT! Traveling is my heart and soul! For some reason, I always date guys that don’t even want to or cannot afford to leave the city!!!! ? Traveling goes to the essence of who I am. Thus, if a guy does not travel…I have to let him go…or I will always be leaving him for my next vacation like I always did with Julio and the Ex Factor! ✌?10. HE CHEWS WAY TOO FUCKING LOUD! Y’all remember the dude I use to date that sounded like the Pillsbury Doughboy every time he ate ANY meal?! ??? He’s the one from the “Fortune Teller Told Me He Cheated” blog. ? Dude paid for great dates and to this day is the only guy that’s celebrated my birthday (my 19th) in a big way! ?? But come on…who the fuck can concentrate when it sounds like the person across from them is having an orgasm with every bite of food they take?!! ? Then when I couldn’t finish my food…he would reach over to my plate and make love to it! ??? There were times I just wanted to smack the hell out of him! I mean he wasn’t that passionate in the bedroom! Yes he ate the box well…but not with the passion and desire he had when he tasted a piece of steak! ?? He ended up being a cheater so I am guessing chewing can tell you a lot about a guy! Lol. Never satisfied with all just moaning and laughing over a steak! ?? 9. HE IS A COKE DRIKER! Now hear me out! I am a die hard PEPSI drinker! That’s one of the main reasons why I went to Penn State for undergrad! ?? WE ARE! ?????? Rutgers had Coke and Penn State had Pepsi! It was the sign I was asking God for…lol…plus Penn State was my first choice for college. Pepsi sealed the deal that I was going there though! ?If I had listen to this advice I would never have dated the Ex Factor! He loves Coke! ✌? On our first couple of dates, the fool would forget I hate Coke and would order me one! He was trying to hurt me then and I totally missed the signs! I did let him know that if he didn’t want to get hurt…don’t bring me no damn Coke! I couldn’t even fake like I liked the shit! ✌?Oh before I forget, screw the folks that say Coke and Pepsi taste the same (Julio ✌?). Y’all can’t commit to shit…not even a soft drink! ?? Not dating y’all either! 8. A TEXTER! My entire situationship with the Ex Factor is on text…the good days and the bad! I get that young folks love texting but us grown folks prefer phone calls (when we like someone). If all he ever does is text✌?then I can’t stay with him! Lesson learned! And for the fuckers who are anti text I’m not feeling y’all either! I typically work 70-90 hours a week so there is no way I can just be laid up on the phone with a dude. I got things to do! ✌?7. MISTER ONLY ABOUT THEIR BOYS! Most of my guys have been loners or their family was their only real friends. So dealing with the Ex Factor and his crew has been rough. I have lots of life long friends but they live all over the country and the world. Ain’t nobody got time to be right up under them. I swear it seems like if the Ex Factor’s friends fart…he’s right there to fan the fart. ? I want a dude who is a leader and not a follower. A dude always in a huge pack of guys is rarely a leader. ✌? 6. HE PREFERS KFC OVER POPEYES! What the fuck? This dude is beyond insane. Popeyes is the reason why I’m not “skinny!” Like who the fuck can refuse Popeyes?! And while some of the other chicken places are okay….KFC is definitely gross! So if he’s on that nasty soggy chicken flow…I’ve got to let his ass go! ✌?We are just not compatible!!! 5. HE DOES NOT HAVE A SWEET TOOTH! The Ex Factor does not really like snacks or junk food. So he does not understand my obsession with CHOCOLATE! Dude…chocolate is soooo good…it’s been hitting my G spot every time he misses it! ?? That’s the power of chocolate! Any man who does not get that should be broken up with…immediately! ✌?✌?✌?4. A MAN THAT DOES NOT WORK OUT! Now I’m no fitness instructor nor am I obsessed with eating right and going to the gym. But in the last couple of months, I have made a conscious choice to do better and as a result, have lost weight! I still have a ways to go but I feel great in my skin and on my journey! While I’m not materialistic, I’m not a huge fan of big guys. I mean…baby I need you to be around for as long as you can be. Plus if he has an unhealthy lifestyle…it may encourage me to abandon my determination to get fit and lose weight. ✌?Chubs….we gonna have to break up! When I met you, you were fit but then you got happy and let yourself go!!! I’m not your wife so I don’t have to love every roll your belly butters! ✌?3. HE SNORES! Elijah was the only dude I’ve dated that snored. It was so bad I considered putting a bag over his head the two times I slept next to him! ? I am a light sleeper and cannot spend all night listening to the man that is bringing me pain and confusion…snore. Either go see a doctor or we are breaking up! ✌?I am a Gemini and we like for our thoughts to have thoughts! How the fuck can we achieve that with you snoring?! ✌?2. A GUY THAT WILL NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP! I am a talkative person in public but in my personal life…I have a great appreciation for SILENCE! That’s how I stayed with the Ex Factor so long! He barely spoke over the last 7 years and the few times he actually had something to say…I wished he had just stayed fucking silent! ??? Just like men don’t like to be nagged…neither do some of us women! And for sure I cannot stand a man who is a gossip! Gossiping is such an unbecoming trait for anyone but especially a man! ? Stay in your lane, mind your damn business, and only speak when you got something to say that will positively affect my life and the world! ✌? It’s worth repeating that I think only a nice mute man can win my heart forever! ???? Yea that’s ignorant I know…but that’s me! ? 1. A MAN THAT DOES NOT EAT THE BOX! I have never been big on oral…giving nor receiving and if I had to choose I use to like giving more than receiving (though I’m terrible at it). ??? But after 7 years of putting up with the Ex Factor not eating the box (eating pussy)….I’ve decided that the next dude better love it! To me, not trying new things with your partner and exploring is a sign of a selfish and lazy lover. The Ex Factor never not once tried to give me an orgasm. ? It took me years to realize this because I loved him so much. Now I look back at all the signs I ignored and realize that these were all an indication that we would stay in an unhappy situationship! So if next guy don’t eat the box and isn’t willing to explore with me…we breaking up! Life is too short for broken hearts and bad sex! ✌?Editor’s note: Mister Toss Salad was the last guy to eat the box! ?No way I was gonna let Elijah and his teeth next to me after that backdooring incident mixed with his “rabbit” trick! ? Also Crazy and Phoenix are the only guys to give me a vaginal orgasms. ???? I was multi orgasmic with Crazy ?????? and even though Phoenix only did it once (right before my 29th birthday and before I started dating the Ex Factor) it’s still so talked about and FELT that it is praise worthy! Yassss??~KJM on Flashback Friday! ?
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