I live a very blessed life. So blessed that sometimes I am moved to tears! ?? However, there are moments (like this holiday season) where I feel like I arrive everywhere a day late and a dollar short.? For example, 15 years ago my career was highly lucrative but when I entered it at the height of the 2008/2009 recession…I barely made ends meat! And there were some years…I didn’t even do that…my Dark Ages (May 2009-June 2013). This is the time I learned to not only cry but to weep! I mean I did everything the right way and still got my butt handed to me. First adult lesson in life…just because you work hard does not mean you will be rewarded.?? Ever since, I feel stuck but refuse to take a pay cut to start over in a different field! ✌? I am a single woman whose independence is essential to her being. I can’t and I won’t go back to the dark ages! I vacationed in hell for so long and I made it out! Thank you Lord! ?? In the midst of the Dark Ages, I met the Ex Factor (June 2010) and it all made sense. The Good Lord had sent me to this place of darkness to find the light within me…to make me fall in love in a way I never thought possible. But after a couple of months…even that love had “a day late and a dollar short” feeling. If I hadn’t gotten dropped on my face, I would never have loved so openly and so deeply. I know that for a fact because I had been married to my education for so long. If everything had gone as I planned, I would be married to my career too! Through the insecurities and the instability of my heart and my career…some blessings still emerged! ?? Like the blessing to travel whenever I want! The blessing to live on my own again! The blessing to love a difficult man unconditionally…the blessing to choose him everyday and not because I had to but because I wanted to. The Ex Factor in every sense of the word is my real first love!!! Remember how hard it was for you to break free from your first love?! Hell…some of y’all are married to them now (even after separations, trials, and tribulations)! I’m always cheering those couples on because I get the road wasn’t paved easily for them but they made a way! ?? Even with all these blessings…I sometimes focus on the things that feel like curses…career and personal life. I know there is rebirth after every death of a season but sometimes the wait for that rebirth seems endless. Even if I got into a healthier relationship…I’m always going to love the Ex Factor. Some things you just know about yourself. And even if I got a new career…the newness of it all may restrict my ability to travel! ? Know this about me…I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT TRAVELING! It’s literally the air I breathe even if I’m frequenting the same destinations…because every time I arrive…I learn something new about myself. I breathe in life and self exploration…and I AM BORN AGAIN…into the life I have dreamt for myself. ? Those are the moments I live for! The moments when I see only the blessings in my misfortunes…for without them…I would have never traveled to this place! I would never have fell in love. I would never feel free. I would never appreciate my ability to always be there for myself. ?? ~KJM on Flashback Friday. They say timing is everything. Maybe we aren’t a day late and a dollar short. Maybe we just haven’t arrived at our unknown destinations yet. But when we do….may our hearts and pockets be forever full! ?
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