Day 23! SAY IT LOUD! I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD! Next up on the BLACK GIRL MAGIC series: Oprah Winfrey! Ms. Winfrey “turned her wounds into wisdom” right before our eyes and took us all along with her for the ride. Growing up…my mother and Oprah were my idols. To embody beauty, wisdom, and intelligence while maintaining her inner beauty…Oprah stunned America and the world. There she was…A BLACK WOMAN…on national television…bringing in ratings like no other. Not changing herself for mainstream America but instead embracing the sounds of her Blackness. Her empire was built on her authentic truth. Like many of us…there were times she struggled with getting America to see her as she truly was…a brave woman of color! ?? Never forgetting that there is no true success without deep struggle…Oprah continued to persevere. Her ability to unapologetically be a Black Woman with not only money and power but one that was internationally making moves for the greater good of Black People was astonishing! From my perspective…this is Oprah: my story, at times, was ugly. I hurt just like everyone else. And I doubted myself. But there…within me…was this divine spirit that would fail many times and then turn those failures into triumph! It was not my intention to lead Black Women into a deeper self love (and women in general for that matter) but every time I lost myself and found myself…I shared it and together we began to heal. From the Oprah Winfrey show to Super Soul Sunday…I would use my victories to inspire Black Girl Magic in all little black girls whose life may have started off with chapters of pain…signaling to them that…this was not the end of their story. There is victory on the horizon! And that…my dear…is BLACK GIRL MAGIC! ?? #oprah #thankyou #blackgirlmagic #blackhistory ~KJM on Throwback Thursday ?

Day 21! SAY IT LOUD! I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD! Today and until the very last day of Black History Month…I’m closing out with a celebration of BLACK GIRL MAGIC! I will feature a woman (from the past or present) that embodies Black Girl Magic. Why is Black Girl Magic so important? The Black Woman is underrepresented, criticized, rejected, and humiliated more than any other race of women. We are often overshadowed by our men…and while I love the Black Man…I cannot…I will not…and I shall not dim my light…MY MAGIC…for him! We, Black Women, must teach Black Girl Magic to our little girls…from birth. She can only break barriers if she’s aware of the divine spirit and strength that runs through her veins…at creation! First up in my series…MISTY COPELAND! ?? From my perspective…this is Misty: I moved to a beat of devastation and kept up with the world…shocking everyone! Surpassing my competitors! While they underestimated me…I learned to only compete with MYSELF! Movement for movement…there…always within me…was this feeling that I could be anything I wanted to. That feeling…my dear…was BLACK GIRL MAGIC! ?? #thankyou #mistycopeland ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday!

Day 20! SAY IT LOUD! I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD! Today is President’s Day and I want to salute the one and only president in my lifetime that I truly believed in, President Obama! Dear Mr. President, you lit a fire in this nation when you ran for office! I did not live in the Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, and Martin Luther King Jr eras…but when I laid eyes on you…I got a taste of how the mystical mind of a socially conscious genius moves…and saw up close and personal what freedom looked like. Because of you…there is no longer any office that Black People cannot run for. This country’s forefathers did not create the Constitution for Black People but just by existing….you proved that what God has created…no man…especially one filled with hate…can stop! ?? My 8 years with you is something I will always treasure…for besides being our FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT, I believe you are fundamentally an amazing human being. No one could have accomplished what you did…bringing us all together for the greater good of the country and the world! Your task was not easy and the road was not perfect but by the grace of God you thrived! Thank you for your service! #yeswecan #thankyou #blackhistory #presidentobama ~KJM on Charm School Monday?

Day 19! SAY IT LOUD! I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD! Today is one of the hardest salutations for me. I am saluting ALL BLACK MEN AND WOMEN IN THE MILITARY! I do not understand serving a country that initially did not view me as an entire person. Putting my life on the line to still be treated as three fifths of a person…even in 2017! Represent a country that would want to see me blown to pieces instead of prosper in my God given rights! Showing honor to a country that purposely separated my family in slavery and even now…continues to do so…through mass incarceration. I do not understand it but what I do know is my sisters and brothers in the military deserve my salute more than any other military servicemen! I honor you, I admire your courage, and I pray for you! The struggle is so real…even today…yet you hold your heads up high and serve with pride! Where would we be without you? Where would this country be without your bravery?! Thank you for being on the front lines and for continuing to represent us…even when some of us at home just do not understand. Keeping pressing on! ?? #thankyou #blackmilitaryservicemenandwomen #mayGodprotectyou #thankyoutothefamilieswhoservewiththem #militaryfamilylifeisnoteasy #jesusbeafence ~KJM on Serenity Sunday?

Day 18! SAY IT LOUD! I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD! Today I’m going to do something so bold…I am saluting all Black People who were the FIRST to break into their desired area of interest or the FIRST to do something very revolutionary! Time and time again, I hear people say…”why are we still talking about the FIRST BLACK so and so?!” I will tell you why! If it wasn’t for them…we may never have broken that barrier! To be the FIRST is to have the weight of the world on your shoulders…to be the FIRST is to represent an entire race domestically and internationally…to be the FIRST is to be criticized, challenged, and degraded because no one thought our race could reach that peak! To be the FIRST is courageous! And we will never stop talking about it! ?? #thankyouforpavingtheway #cheerstomanymorefirsts ~KJM on Serenity Saturday?

Day 17! SAY IT LOUD! I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD! Today I salute all of our Black Athletes! Even when our minds, bodies, and souls were beaten and broken…we had the strength of a 1,000 men/women…in just one body! ?? No one could understand it. We were not to excel…yet there we were…emerging as BLACK EXCELLENCE despite all the odds! They could study our “genetic” makeup and demoralize us with their evolution stories but they would never understand GOD GIVEN talent! ?? “No weapon shall form against us and we shall prosper!” Most importantly, when one of us says “I AM THE GREATEST!”….let us all remember the same! Thank you to all the Black Athletes that stepped in the forefront of discrimination and represented us with the dignity and pride we as a people exude! ??  ~KJM on Flashback Friday?

Day 16! SAY IT LOUD! I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD! Today I salute the rainbows of melanin that makes Black people so unique and beautiful! ?? I will not hide it, I will not bleach it, and I will not deny its glory. My Black skin is not a sign of oppression for me…it’s quite the opposite. It’s my badge of honor! ?? No matter the judgement I face daily…I do not hate my complexion. I was meant to be a black woman and with that destiny, comes a certain amount of pride and responsibility. I gracefully accept the challenge! ?? My BLACK will forever be BEAUTIFUL! ? #blackskin #blackhistory #selflove ~KJM on Throwback Thursday. 

Day 15! SAY IT LOUD! I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD! Tonight I salute all the Black Actors and Actresses that broke down barriers in an industry that would rather not tell our true stories at all…but when they attempted to…would have white people pretend to be us…mocking us in black face or play up the roles of a “white savior” rescuing us! ?While their lives may seem fancy…Black Hollywood has never had it easy! There is still a lot of push back when Black actors are awarded leading roles that white Hollywood felt should only belong to them! Often times, we deliver breathtakingly difficult performances, still making less than our white peers, and still have to deal with not being acknowledged for our BRILLIANCE! To add insult to injury, in 2016, we could not turn away from the fact that not much has changed with #oscarssowhite! Well my peoples have stepped their game up and no matter what happens at the 2017 Oscars…it ain’t gonna be so white! We are showing up and showing out! #moonlight #fences #hiddenfigures #blackgreatness ~KJM on Hump Night lol ?

Finally! The SINGLES are emancipated! No more hiding in the shadows! It’s February 15!?? Couples won’t be popular again until Thanksgiving and Spring is on its way! Perfect time to say….SINGLES RULE! ?? Now because I do believe in marriage…but am not sure if it’s the thing for me…there’s only SINGLE and MARRIED in my book! Dating is just dating! ? I have felt that way since I started dating Julio when I was 15 years old. Here I am now at 35 and not much shit has changed. If I don’t have a ring AND a deep commitment…you are just my current chapter. Julio and the Ex Factor are my longest chapters….though Julio and I were in a real relationship during our 10 years on and off. When I was with Julio, I was in a huge self exploration phrase so it just seemed like I couldn’t stand still with one person or in one state! Lol. Even with being as assertive and proud of my singleness as I am…I have to admit that Thanksgiving through Valentine’s Day is fucking hard! It’s no easy task to stay secure in yourself while the world and Hallmark keeps selling love during that season! Plus it’s Winter and I’m already grumpy! Not easy at all but SINGLES we made it! To celebrate today, I’m going to count down the top 10 things I’ve grown to love about my singleness! 10. MARRIED FOLKS DO NOT HAVE IT EASY! For every person sad that they are single….there’s like three marriages falling apart! ? Now I don’t have that down to exact statistics but I’m giving my singles a graphic picture of why shit is hard if you choose wrong! Marriage takes so much work and many are not even half equipped for the journey! Long lasting relationships take more than all the “feels.” It’s more like you need to put your blood, sweat, and tears into that shit! And even if you do…it could still fall apart because it takes TWO! ?? So rest assured that if you are still single…you still have the opportunity to choose well but more importantly….the opportunity to choose a partner AFTER you have fallen completely in love with yourself! 9. I WOULD HAVE BEEN DIVORCED! I have said this time and time again…relationships have never been my thing! There were 3 times in my life I could have been married to three different men…but I knew myself all too well! I would be fucking divorced all three times! I wasn’t in love and while I respected two of the men…they deserved a woman who wanted to be their wife! No need to settle for my confused ass! ? Two out of the three are married…and for a very long time. So happy for them! ?? We all made the right choices for ourselves! No regrets! 8. I HAVE DEEP SEEDED COMMITMENT ISSUES! If you have been following the blog from the beginning…then you already know that there are certain things in my childhood that make me hesitant to choose any man! I know I whine a lot about the Ex Factor not committing to me but truth be told…I chose him for a reason! I can love…very confusingly…but I don’t have to give more of myself than I’m willing to. If he had committed to me (seriously)…before trust was broken…I don’t think our relationship would be much more different than it is now. I’m not trying to be his mama and I already got a Daddy! ✌?I imagine that we would check in with each other like we do now…and life would go on with its normal ups and downs. A serious commitment (a title with action to back it up) would have proved to me that he loved me and made it that there was no uncertainty between us. But he chose this route and since I seem to not be able to find a detour…I’m along for the ride…for how ever how long I can stand it! Lol. I rest well at night with the thought that if he never commits to me or I completely get turned off from the idea (dangerously close to that point)…it will be his regret..not mine! ✌?A man can find any woman…but a woman that loves him unconditionally and is willing to grow with him is hard!!! Or so my male friends tell me! Such is life! All I can do is work on me and enjoy life! And I damn sure plan to! 7. I AM NOT SURE THERE IS A “ONE!” I started writing to my BOAZ in September 2016 for many different reasons. Mainly to stay happy, open, and hopeful as I anchor my way in the dating world. For all I know…BOAZ is a man that will take me through certain phrases of my life. He may not be one great man but may be a combination of many. And I’m okay with that. 6. I CAN STILL FALL IN LOVE AGAIN! Falling in love with the Ex Factor was the BEST feeling ever!!! Just think…I’m going to get a chance to love even more deeply! ? I AM GOING TO LOVE AGAIN! ?? While the marrieds have to keep finding ways to fall in love with the same person over and over again…us singles have a shot at new love! Take that shot and be glad you have been given it!?? 5. I LOVE HAVING THE FREEDOM TO TRAVEL! Being single means…I never have to check in with anyone when I book a trip. For example, I randomly had a week off from work in July. On the MONDAY, I booked a trip to fly to Chicago on the TUESDAY! I text the Ex Factor from the airport and FaceTime him once when I was out there. My money and my time…I do as I fucking please and that kind of freedom is priceless! 4. ALL OF MY TIME IS FOR ME! Similar to traveling when I want to…I plan each day based on myself! ?? Hmmm…what’s going to make me happy today? Whatever it is…I get right to it! Don’t have to divide my time with a man. It’s just me and my career. And we definitely FLEX! ?? 3. I HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY SEXY! ?? Once you are a mother and/or wife, society wants us women to wear a brown paper bag over our heads and hide our bodies! No way! I totally disagree with this stigma for my wife and mommy friends! But society judges them so hard anyways! I, on the other hand, am SINGLE so society cannot tell me to go hide! I’m in this bitch!?? And I define what I should wear. I exude confidence…even though I’m seen as “a woman of a certain age.” They want me to hide too because I’m 35 and not married with children! ? Well…guess the fuck what?! I’m here and I won’t hide! I won’t excuse myself or talk myself out of “a seat at my own damn table!” No way! I’m 35, SINGLE, and confident…so deal with it! 2. HEARTBREAK WILL NOT LAST FOREVER! As a SINGLE person, heartbreak is still inevitable! Either for the relationships that didn’t pan out or the loss from ones that we have yet to get over! But as I said in number 6, we still have the ability to fall in love again as long as we are open and are loving ourselves through all the hurt and pain! All is not lost forever! It’s not our wives/husbands who take us for granted…it’s our girlfriends/boyfriends/situationships! WE CAN AND WE WILL LOVE AGAIN! 1. SELF LOVE! We have been blessed with this time of self exploration! Sure we have been given more trial and error time than most folks around us but that’s not a bad thing. Every year I learn something new about myself that I did not know before. The newness of each stages of our lives can sometimes threaten the relationships we have…especially marriages…if there is not safe space to grow and learn that is filled with patience and understanding! In our singleness…it’s just ourselves that we have to be patient with! Just us! ? So we can grow easily and be at peace with the new level we reached in our lives! We won’t have to apologize to anyone…that we have changed and that we love our change! WE ARE UNAPOLOGETICALLY SINGLE! ?? ~KJM on Hump Day ?