It’s been a while since we have taking a spin through the Land Of Pimps And Hoes (Corporate America). Well hold on as we roll through my hood…OG (Original Gangsta) style! We all have them and for the most part…we all hate them…COWORKERS! Great coworkers can make even the most unbearable job…comfortable. Bad coworkers, however, can turn even the most pleasant places of employment into spirit sucking traps! My job is probably somewhere in the middle of that. Not the worst but always a constant reminder that I need more out of life. Here are the top 10 Things Coworkers do that almost makes me want to catch the Holy Ghost (And not in a good way) at work: 10. DO YOU EVER FUCKING WORK? I am working with a male coworker right now that only works 20% of the time yet makes the same amount of money as me! While I’m busting my ass…he’s on break after break eating snacks after snacks! What the fuck?! Worst part of it is my boss sees it and says nothing directly to him. I get so frustrated but what can I do? Except say SAT down sir and do some work before I catch the Holy Ghost!✌?️9. MISS I NEED TO SMELL YOUR FOOD AND ANNOUNCE WHAT YOU ARE EATING! Do I really need to tell this biatch that it’s fucking rude to be sniffing people’s food? And then to announce it?! Bitch why? Yea fuck saying biatch! SAT yourself down bitch before the next thing in my lunch bag is SHIT! ✌?️ 8. PICKING THEIR SKIN AND DARE I SAY IT…FLICKING DEAD SKIN?! I need a second before I can tackle this one. Perhaps a moment of silence before I lose it! If you sit right next to your coworkers, please do not pick ANYTHING off your body and flick it! This includes boogers! I’m so fucking grossed out that you need to SAT down twice!✌?️7. MISTER BOOGERS ALWAYS HANGING OUT HIS NOSE! It’s a huge turn off when I’m having a business lunch or having lunch with coworkers and there is a huge booger hanging out their nose. No I don’t want dressing for my salad! I need to be able to clearly see what the true ingredients were and what was just added by my nasty ass coworker! I know that sometimes shit happens and boogers surprise us but come on….some of you never check your nose! SAT down for real!✌?️ 6. THE GOSSIP! Ugh this one is one of the worst because he/she breathes such negativity into the work place. There’s always that one coworker that finds time each day to go around and spread other people’s business! SAT your ass down! You should be fired on the spot but as luck would have it…you are usually efficient when you are actually at your desk! After you SAT…get your ass back to your desk and do some motherfucking work before I lose it! ✌?️ 5. THE KISS ASS! This one’s head is so far up my boss’s head…I don’t even have a chance to tell her SAT down! I will just have to catch her on the way to the bathroom to relay the message! Everyone has to pee…even the Kiss Ass! How bout you SAT down in stall 1 and 2 while you there! ✌?️ 4. MISS KNOW IT ALL! I hate asking my boss a question and a coworker responds before my boss can. Is your name manager?! Better yet let me see your paycheck! Yea…that’s what I thought…we are still in the same pay grade! How about you SAT your ass down because not only are you NOT my boss but most of your responses are incorrect! ✌?️ 3. THE ANNOYING VOICE! This one I feel bad about because sometimes this coworker is super sweet. It’s just their voice sounds like fingernails against a chalk board!? I’m going to need you to SAT down QUIETLY! I got a fucking headache! ✌?️ 2. SMELLY! We all have coworkers who refuse to shower and/or brush their teeth. Yea that’s all I need to smell…a dead animal crawling out your mouth covered by…COFFEE! Bitch you tried it! My eye liner is running and I’m having a full blown allergic reaction to you! SAT your smelly ass down and wait for my doctor’s bill! ✌?️ 1. THE PERVERT! Out of all the culprit coworkers…this one is setting himself up to be fired FIRST and doing jail time SECOND! Female coworkers are not there for your personal pleasure and FYI ain’t nobody checking for your nasty ass at work no way! I don’t like you undressing me with your eyes, making inappropriate statements, and making sounds as I walk by! You are truly disgusting sir! I want you to SAT your ass down but not just anywhere….in a jail cell with Big Bubba as your cellmate…who loves him so you! You guessed it…he’s going to make overt unwanted advances at you whether you like it or not. Oh you SATTING DOWN now while covering your asshole?! ✌?️ ~KJM welcoming you guys back to the Land Of Pimps And Hoes on this Hump Day Wednesday! Toi, thanks for introducing me to “SAT DOWN.” I was rolling as I typed each one!? 

Every now and then I try to write something geared towards my young readers that have very little life experience. There are times in life when no one will point out a mistake you are making especially in Corporate America. They will just watch you make it and penalize you on the back end. Just because initially it seemed socially acceptable does not mean it is. You have to use your common sense and proceed with caution especially when your mistakes can cost you money! Here are 10 You Tried It Mistakes that young adults today are making that can cost them some serious coins: 10. FRIEND REQUESTING COWORKERS: Whether they friend requested you or you requested them, please do not friend request current coworkers/bosses! My rule is if it is your personal social network page, no one who currently works at your job should be on there. These people are not really your friends no matter how friendly they seem. You are only friends when you no longer work for the same company, keep in touch naturally, and no longer have your income tied to each other. Remember that you have common interests and goals especially if the person is in your same position. Don’t give your competition easy access to knock you out of the running for a promotion! So that means that sick day that you took and went to Disneyland instead is now on your Facebook page and your boss now knows your ass didn’t have the sniffles! PINK SLIP please!✌?️ 9. RECORDING EVERYTHING ON YOUR PERSONAL SOCIAL NETWORK PAGE: Between the instagrams, flipagrams, and snap chats (I’m exhausted just writing this), young adults tend to record every single thing they do all day! Anyone can share these videos so be careful what you document! That’s right that bar room brawl you were in last Saturday has now made its way to your boss’ desk! PINK SLIP please! ✌?️ 8. PERSONAL SOCIAL NETWORK PAGE IN YOUR GOVERNMENT NAME: Now in this day and age it’s hard to keep anything private but at least we can try! If you have been following this blog, you will know I love a good alias! If your personal page is going to be filled with partying and other things you do not want your future employers to know about you…please use an alias as the name of your personal page. Save your government name that your daddy proudly passed down to you for your business page! I’m sure daddy would be more proud of the business you built more than how well you twerk! Future employers will feel the same way! KJM loves to party with the best of them and ain’t no partying like when you are in your 30s! You now have the money to travel extensively and close the bar out everywhere you go! No more sharing one Long Island Ice Tea with your girlfriends at the club all night like you use to in your early 20s! You have moved on up like George and Wheezy! But use your common sense! If you don’t…PINK SLIP please!✌?️ 7. SOCIAL NETWORK PRIVACY SETTINGS: Once again, whatever you post can always get into the wrong hands. However, if you make everything you post public anyways…you are making it easy for people to be up in your Victoria Secrets! So when you get to work only to find an email titled…“I just saw the crack of your ass”…no need to shoot the messenger because it was YOU! Hand me that PINK SLIP please! ✌?️ 6. EXPOSED BODY PARTS: Now KJM is very busty! Been in the D category since I was 18. It’s hard to tuck those show stoppers away especially in Corporate America where a size 2 is celebrated! Sigh…But we have to try to be unique yet professional. Big breasts are hard to control. Sometimes mine move and I have no clue! Even when I’m fully covered…some men will still stare at the statue! Ugh! Just because breasts are beautiful and no straight man will ever turn away from them doesn’t mean they belong in their exposed form at work! The struggle is real…trust me I know! But when your boss looks down your dress…he may not say a word! Of course, this may affect the clients he assigns to you. If they are more conservative, guess who won’t get to work on that client’s financial portfolio?! YOU! Not to mention how ugly things can get if bosses/coworkers start to making sexual advances toward you! Let’s just keep it classy! Sexual harassment can happen even if a woman wears a long sleeve turtleneck sweater dress that goes down to her ankle but to make it crystal clear you are only at work for work….lets tuck those suckers away! And if you don’t…PINK SLIP please! ✌?️ 5. FADED CLOTHES: Now for my fellas…if I can’t tell what the original shade of those pants were…don’t wear them! Work isn’t the place to make fashion statements! Leave the faded clothes for your personal time! And I better not see any rips in your jeans on casual Fridays! This ain’t no skateboarding event! It’s work so dress accordingly or PINK SLIP please! ✌?️4. PIERCINGS: People at the bars and clubs may ooh and awww about your piercings but I promise you…your boss won’t! Either don’t get them or learn how to hide them during work! Remember this is more about your financial future than it is about your freedom to express yourself! When you sign on with a company…their company mission now becomes yours! If you lose sight of that….PINK SLIP please! ✌?️ 3. TATTOOS: Ugh this one can be personally offensive! I’ve seen dudes with a whole sleeve tattooed wear short leaves during the summer time at work! Remember that “Fuck the Police” section of your sleeve tattoo?! That didn’t go over well with your boss nor your coworkers! Better add “Fuck the Unemployment Line” to that sleeve because that’s where you are headed! PINK SLIP please! ✌?️ 2. TOO MUCH INFORMATION: Remember the “dude named Jimmy” from my last blog? No way I’m discussing that situation at work! So the one night stand you just had or the kegs of beer you drank at your boy’s party the night before work should not be discussed either! It’s TMI and can get you fired! PINK SLIP please! ✌?️ 1. GETTING DRUNK AT A WORK FUNCTION: Now this is the biggest mistake I’ve seen young adults make at work! You just got a new job that comes with a corporate card and you feel like the man! One evening, your job throws an after work function offsite which has an open bar and rooftop view. No one will tell you to have a two drink minimum but they sure will notice when your ass gets smashed and has to get hauled out of there with the help of not one but THREE coworkers! Lawd a mercy! In your next performance meeting, don’t be surprised if your boss slips you an AA card! Just because alcohol is served does not mean you should partake in any or all of it! I usually don’t drink at work functions or just have two glasses of wine so that I can be responsible and coherent as I network with bosses and clients! If you booze here…you will certainly lose! PINK SLIP please! ✌?️ ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying even I have made some of these mistakes but I learned from them. Don’t let the “young” lead your professional life. “Adult” is really the key word here. The road to success isn’t easy but you can remove some of the obstacles by using this list as a guide! 

Now that we are done playing house…lets get back to the basics: female empowerment! ?? Today my sister (Brenda) and friend (Tiffany)(you remember her from my online dating article) start new jobs! Amen! Leading up to both their interviews, I shared some tips with them that were helpful. Women still make less than men in many fields for a variety of fucked up reasons. However, some of it we can control. Get a pen and paper as we boldly go where no one wants to go….journey into female empowerment in the land of pimps and hoes(Corporate America). Ok pimpets…lets go get this money! Here’s a guide to interviews and salary negotiations that will have your employers throwing money at you:

7. APPLY FOR JOBS THAT YOU KNOW YOU CAN EXCEL AT! Often times when I’m job hunting, I only apply to the ones that I have the qualifications for. This can be a huge obstacle especially if you are trying to break into a different field. At some point, someone is going to have to take a risk on you so it doesn’t hurt to aim high! The worst a future employer can do is not give you an interview! Thus, don’t sike yourself out before the interviewing process even begins!

6. DO NOT BRING UP YOUR WEAKNESSES IN AN INTERVIEW UNLESS ASKED! Confidence! Confidence! Confidence is key! When you land that interview (I’ve faith you will) and are preparing for it, know what your strengths and weaknesses are beforehand. Do not share your weaknesses unless specifically asked by your future employer. In other words, do not wear the challenges of the new job on your sleeves. Some employers may ask you what obstacles you may have if given the position. Share that answer by also presenting a strength you possess that can combat that weakness. The point here is to leave your future employer with a vivid image of you conquering every foreseeable obstacle that comes with the position and the tools to excel at any issue that was unforeseeable.

5. AVOID ANY NERVOUS HABITS! Let’s be honest…interviews are scary especially when you desperately need the job. Practice answers to possible questions with someone else beforehand. If no one is available, spend time going over things out loud while looking in the mirror. Part of the fear, especially for women, is a fear of how we are being viewed. Nothing can 100% prepare you for everything your future employer will ask but practicing confidence will help with the unknown.

4. WEAR A NICE SKIRT SUIT (WITH SOFT TONES IF POSSIBLE) if you are interviewing in a conservative field, such as education, legal, and finance, and you do not know the gender of the person(s) interviewing you, I recommend wearing a skirt suit or slacks in nice soft tones. The reason being is in some conservative fields, employers may decide to not give you the job based on presentation. Now I know what you are thinking…if you are in a nice pants suit…how could there be an issue? Some conservative older men (and women for that matter) believe that women should look like women in the workplace. I know you are rolling your eyes but it’s true. I’ve experienced it first hand. However, just because your future employer may have some out dated views about women’s attire, doesn’t mean that you can’t use those Stone Age views to your advantage! You need this job right?! Well presentation is part of the interviewing process! I personally prefer pants suits but especially when I lived in the South, I had to assimilate quickly. The ending goal is my money…not my clothes! ??

3. HEELS! HEELS! HEELS! There’s nothing like a confident woman who can walk like a professional bad ass in heels! Now if you do not know how to walk in heels or don’t feel comfortable in them, please do not wear them! Nobody likes to see a woman gliding like a linebacker in heels! ? But if you have nice professional work pumps, this is the time to pull them out! It will only add to your confidence! Side note…please leave the stripper shoes at home! You want to walk and look like a confident professional woman. Save the “Candy” stripper shoes for when you are out at night with your friends.

2. SALARY NEGOTIATIONS! I’ve read many books and articles on the art of negotiations and the differences between men and women. Generally, men negotiate salary based on their potential while women (if they negotiate salary at all) tend to negotiate salary based on their current experiences. Your current experience is really your PAST! It can be a huge blessing or a huge obstacle. If your experiences are flawless and you have more qualifications than what your future employer asked for…you are in a place of bargaining! However, if you are just breaking into a new field, your previous experience can hinder your salary negotiations…but only if you let it. Always negotiate from a place of your potential. After all, your entire interview was probably focused on what attributes you have that makes you stand out from other candidates. Chances are you all had similar experiences…hence why you are all being interviewed! Focus on how much money you can make a company or how you can excel at this position in a way that no one before you could. Your ambition is just as important as your previous experiences. Another astounding fact that I’ve read is that men negotiate salary during the hiring process while women tend to negotiate when they are in the position! If you get nothing else from this blog, please get this…once your employer makes you a job offer NEGOTIATE SALARY UPFRONT!!!! If your future employer made you an offer much higher than what you wanted, obviously no need to negotiate salary. However, there may be other things that you may want to negotiate based on the package they offered you and the schedule of your position. The worst your employer can say is NO. It’s very unlikely they will completely take their offer off the table because you negotiated your salary/package. If you wait to negotiate salary after being in the position for a while, there is only so much your employer may be willing to do to meet you half way because…they already have you! Also, it’s easier to jump up 10,000 to 30,000 moving from employer to employer than moving up in a company. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Know your worth and say your terms upfront.

1. THE ART OF SALARY NEGOTIATIONS: BATNA (BEST ALTERNATIVE TO A NEGOTIATED AGREEMENT): “BATNA is a term coined by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 bestseller, “Getting to Yes: Negotiating Without Giving In.” I highly recommend that you all read Fisher and Ury’s book! It changed my life when I read it in Fall 2008! “In negotiation theory, the Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement or BATNA is the most advantageous alternative course of action a party can take if negotiations fail and an agreement cannot be reached. BATNA is the key focus and the driving force behind a successful negotiator. A party should generally not accept a worse resolution than its BATNA. Care should be taken, however, to ensure that deals are accurately valued, taking into account all considerations, such as relationship value, time value of money and the likelihood that the other party will live up to their side of the bargain. These other considerations are often difficult to value, since they are frequently based on uncertain or qualitative considerations, rather than easily measurable and quantifiable factors.” (From Wiki) “The BATNA is often seen by negotiators not as a safety net, but rather as a point of leverage in negotiations. Although a negotiator’s alternative options should, in theory, be straightforward to evaluate, the effort to understand which alternative represents a party’s BATNA is often not invested. Options need to be real and actionable to be of value, however without the investment of time, options will frequently be included that fail on one of these criteria. Most managers overestimate their BATNA whilst simultaneously investing too little time into researching their real options. This can result in poor or faulty decision making and negotiating outcomes. Negotiatiors also need to be aware of the other negotiator’s BATNA and to identify how it compares to what they are offering.” (From Wiki). While you can use a BATNA in any negotiation even if it doesn’t involve salary…lets focus on how to use it for salary negotiations. Let’s say last year you made 50,000. You know in your new position you need at least 60,000 (essentially your BATNA) to no longer financially struggle. When negotiating salary stay away from 60,000. Start off with a number much higher like 70,000. This gives your employer a chance to give you a counter offer. You’ve essentially given yourself a cushion in negotiations and a higher chance of getting your BATNA (here it is 60,000). Your employer may come back with a counter offer of 65,000 and you can gladly accept because you only really needed 60,000. Now of course you have to do your research on the salary range for your position, base things on your experience, AND add in your potential! The goal is to always stay away from what you really need and aim higher so you have a better chance of being successful in your negotiations. Once again, I recommend you read “Getting to Yes: Negotiating Without Giving In!” It’s an eye opener! ~ KJM on Charm School Monday dropping knowledge that I hope and pray changes your lives in a powerful way. We may be viewed as the weaker gender but our salaries sure don’t have to reflect it!?? Credits given to Wiki, William Ury, and Roger Fisher.